Contains alcohol - I think it might be best if I drink less.

-Asphyxia- · 14-06-2014, 10:30 AM

I went out tonight because I didn't leave my apartment for 2 days...I had fun, and I kept myself in check. I just drank beer, and I was coherent the whole evening...I walked home by myself, which is fine because the bar is really close to my apartment.

The problem is when I get home. I have nothing to drink here, which is good, but i just feel so f*cking sad when I'm alone after drinking. So lonely and depressed...I'm just getting that empty feeling again, and I don't know if it's me or the alcohol, because I feel empty when I am sober too.

I should have just stayed home and done yoga.

raspberry_swirl · 18-06-2014, 08:32 AM

I hope you manage to find a way to cut down if it's having more bad effects than good. Feeling like that isn't worth it and I definitely think alcohol has a tendency to magnify any negative things you're feeling at the time you drink it or after you drink it.

How's it going so far?

Good luck xxx

Zedebee · 27-06-2014, 06:57 PM

I agree with the above. If you're already feeling low before drinking then you will feel it more after a drink. Could you try going out one night and not having an alcoholic drink, see how that feels? You really don't need alcohol to have a good time =)

LotusandDice · 07-07-2014, 01:01 AM

It isn't just the alcohol. Sometimes it helps, for a while, but if you have an emptiness inside of you, you cannot drown it. You will simply choke the emptiness for a short while, while you yourself end up drowning if you're not carefull.

The emptiness can only be filled by what it is you feel you are missing.

-Asphyxia- · 22-07-2014, 08:18 AM

I don't even recall making this thread. Thanks for the replies.

I drank a bit tonight; I got super loaded on Sunday and into an argument w/my roommate b/c of it.

I've felt emptiness for years, but I can't figure out what is missing. I'm a type 4 on the enneagram to a "T" & have always had a hard time with finding meaning in life and my identity...I don't fit in anywhere.

I'm so tired of feeling this way...I'm so effing tired, yet I have sleeping problems. Oh the irony.

-Asphyxia- · 07-08-2014, 09:18 AM

My friend was recently practically in a coma for his drinking, and he is only 34.

He is hopefully going to sign into inpatient treatment for 30 days on Friday, and I promised I would visit him. I also told him if he holds off on that, I'll go to meetings with him.

I made an attempt at getting drunk tonight because my Great Aunt just died, but I couldn't catch a buzz. I did yoga instead.

raspberry_swirl · 07-08-2014, 11:59 AM

Asphyxia I get what you're saying about feeling like there's something missing.
When I was healthy I managed to fill that with being involved in athletics. I think it can be anything that fills the gap, just has to be something you're really into.

Maybe the meetings will help? As far as I know they take up 2 hours a day (?) so at least it's something to focus on?

I'm sorry to hear about your great aunt and your friend.

-Asphyxia- · 08-08-2014, 11:36 AM

Trigger warning........

Thanks for the reply, raspberry_swirl (can I assume you like Tori Amos?

)

Yesterday, the friend who is going to rehab (hopefully) today/Friday, called me telling me he wanted to k*ll himself. I've never been so terrified in my life. He is okay and didn't hurt himself, but I literally had a panic attack. I was on the verge of searching for him in the parks in our neighborhood (he has been evicted) alone at 12 AM last night. Thank god he is willing to get treatment.

I know I drink too much, but it's not as life threatening as his addiction. I kind of feel like I'm just going to stop for awhile after my Aunt's funeral this Monday.

I'm literally watching someone I care about die a slow terrible death.