Hi guys I'm sorry to post and take up space in here when people really need help with something. I am struggling a lot with things still even though certain things have improved quite a bit. I am doing eating disorders outpatient and trauma therapy in a different service at the same time so in terms of treatment I'm at last in the right place. I have been in and out of eating disorders services for over a decade and I finally feel safe enough to engage and talk even if I don't want a full recovery but just gain better skills to manage my illness. Instead of seeing a psychologist I'm saying a. Brilliant eating disorders nurse who luckily agreed to see me as a trial of ten sessions but we have to come up with a plan to justify extending them and she asked me to come up with a list goals to have accomplished. Some eating disorder behaviour related and others not. My mind has gone blank and I don't know where to start . Sorry if I'm wasting people's time . Any ideas would be great. Thanks guys.
Last edited by Uglyducklin : 06-06-2014 at 10:23 PM.
What kinds of things do you want to achieve with her help?
I've been asked the same by my counsellor and I know one day I'd like to live without this constant fear, but I'm kind of clouded on. Do you have any things you could work on short-term to lessen the anxiety so that you can have more clarity in what you want to do?
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
Hi.
I’m glad you finally found someone you can open up to, knowhow hard it is. Her request is very good as it’ll make you think about the therapyin a more proactive way. It’s not enough just going there and talking about it,you should try and actively think about the benefits you could get from it.
Guess you could start by thinking of the influence ED had onyour life: did you neglected some of your interests, how did your education andcareer go and did it suffer because of lack of concentration or possibletreatments you had? What happened to personal relationships, friends, family,boyfriend, girlfriend and has ED had any bad influence on that? Maybe if you could pinpoint those things, youcould start thinking about how it would all look like without the illness andthat could be your goal J
For example, I became a control freak when it comes to woodwhich subsequently influenced my behaviour in general and I became this rigidperson who had to control everything, not just food. So one of my goals is totry and relax more, not freak out every time something unexpected comes (thisone is not ED related). The other goal is to try having some ‘’unsafe’’ foodbecause it won’t kill me (this one is ED related). This is just a suggestion.
Good luck J
Thank you both. I suppose apart from needing a safe space to talk about and survive the abuse therapy, body image is huge for me , as is eating independently . Thanks so much guys. X
There's no need at all to apologise for posting, you have as much right as anyone else to ask for help.
I'm glad some things have improved for you, and it's brilliant that you're feeling ready to engage and talk even if you don't want to aim for full recovery at the moment.
The questions above sound like a great place to start, and body image and eating independently are really important things to consider with your goals definitely. Could you try to make some specific goals related to those - things like being able to cook yourself a main meal and eat it independently, getting some help to think of some meals that you can have on your own if you're struggling, getting back to any particular hobbies or interests that you had before your ED (or new ones that you'd like to try)?
Could you work with her to set goals as short, medium and long-term?
Sometimes breaking things down makes the whole process easier. You're doing so well!! Just do what you can- I'm sure your nurse understands
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
Thanks guys I love all those ideas and really at 33 I should be able to feed myself and eat alone and in company instead of just with my mum or staff. I had lunch last week which was enormous progress and in a busy environment as usually I only eat in the evening but I did fall apart afterwards. I don't know I have some health issues which are linked to hormones which is really scaring me I'm scared it's something awful and I can't think past that tomorrow. I'm sorry I'm a bit of a mess.
One goal could be eating a meal out with friends? I remember last time I saw you, you said you hadn't practised that yet, which is what made me think of it!
Me and another member on here both love margherita pizza and when she was going IP for anorexia we said that one day we'd meet up and have margherita pizza and then about two years later we actually did and it was so exciting! So maybe something specific like that would be a nice goal?
With body image, is there a certain type of clothes that you tend to avoid because of body image? Buying and wearing such an item could be a goal? Even if at first it's just wearing it round the house, not necessarily going out in public.
Other ideas: eating a pre-ED favourite food without compensatory behaviours, choosing a non-diet version of something you usually get as a diet version, or what about something completely random, like doing one of those photoshoot things with your mum and enjoying getting your hair and makeup done and posing for loads of fancy jpgs.
Hope some of these are the sort of things you're looking for!
Ask yourself, where do you see yourself in the next 5 years? Visualize that and it's a great way to discover what you want your goals and achievements to be.
Thank you Jordan Leigh and Jenna . I will take all of these suggestions on board . I'm just dreading tomorrow so hopefully when I know what the course of action with the health stuff is I will be calm enough to take it all in. Thank you all x
Hi Helen blood results were medication and hormone related. Still waiting on the results of the ct scan of my head and one more scan on Friday . Really not coping to be honest with what's happened. So much guilt and shame and I feel so fat. I don't know how to manage. The thoughts are piling in but I'm scared to mention them in case they judge me or discharge me for being fat. I can't even think straight to tackle the list I'm sorry I don't even know where this all came from and it's not what this thread is for :(
Hi guys I'm sorry to pits again but I just feel frightened and fat and ashamed it's hard even to type this. When I saw my eating disorders nurse Thursday it was really hard and stressful and also quite confrontational ( I do understand it sometimes needs to be) . She basically said that it seems my anxiety levels are so high all the time so people don't believe me ( this struck as a bit strange because in the past when I'm really anxious about treatment be it outpatient or being at step up for a meal I have run away to deal with anxiety so staff have no idea what state I am in . I don't mean to it's just I don't may be I can't make sense of my anxiety either? I just hate myself so much I don't really know what to do I feel like I must be some sort of fat monster. Sorry I'm really not making sense.
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much. It's so draining being so anxious all the time. Do you think you could write down some of your feelings about the anxiety or the treatment so that the staff can know what's going on for you?
It's a horrible feeling to feel like you hate yourself so much, but you are not a 'fat monster' - your perception is distorted at the moment, and you are not going to be judged or discharged for being fat, it's just your thoughts telling you that. Keep talking as much as you need to here, there are always people here to listen.
Thank you liv ! She asked me to rate my anxiety which I have been doing as well as explaining what my thoughts are at the time. I'm considering increasing my medication as I dropped it down when I stopped managing some of my meals as I thought it was wasted . I had an argument over food with my mum and I feel awful for acting like that but I was frightened. Today I just feel sad and tearful as well as anxious. I'm finding it so hard not to cry which is pathetic. I just feel so fat and like my body doesn't belong to me and the thoughts are so bad and violent. Sorry I'm rambling. I hope you are doing ok.
Hi guys sorry to post yet again. I just can't cope with things I feel so fat and out of control. I feel so weird I've had lots of flashbacks and I just want to stop I feel like food violates me. I want to disappear. I see the ot tomorrow and I'm scared I will breakdown and she will see how hard it is or think I'm making it up I'm so confused with the whole cry wolf I don't know how to explain I'm more likely to withdraw and it's only recently I can be around so people can see what's going on. I need to punish myself and I don't know how long I can put it off. I'm sorry to post again x
Hi sorry to post again I'm just really struggling and feel so fat and out of control. My appointment for trauma therapy seems to have worsened all the guilt and shame about the fact that I do eat solids now and I've been having a hard time justifying continuing to do so and now just feel I should stop. Also I feel so ashamed because when she read what I had written for my homework on guilt she laughed and I'm so ashamed and embarrassed because I had worked so hard on the homework. I don't know what to make of it. Sorry to go on.
Truly well done with the solid foods- especially with so many things happening. Can you talk about how you felt with your trauma worker? *hugs* that's more than harsh that they laughed
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
<3 Lovely <3 I won't put your name incase you don't want me to, but insert name here - ___ *squish*
I'm so proud of you for the soild food chick, its a hugehugehuge positive thing & not anything to feel ashamed or guilty for, I promise. How are you today?
I'm so sorry your therapist laughed at the trauma therapy - Do you know why she did?, Was it meant in a malicious way?, Perhaps you took it the wrong way?, Have you thought about bringing up how you felt at the session next time you see her?
Thanks Helen no you can use my name. Had dinner want to tear myself to pieces. I'm not sure it was odd I don't feel that safe with her and she really pushed a lot of things unrelated to my abuse that are difficult and she doesn't understand eating disorders which can make explaining things harder. I realise I probably got the homework wrong as I wrote more about guilt in my life now than in relation to my abuse but still connected all the same. I'm going to add to it and see if it helps. Everything feels overwhelming and I'm scared about seeing my eating disorders nurse as she explains she feels I'm always anxious and it's like crying wolf in her eyes and I'm such a fat dirty waste of space sorry I'm rambling.
