So my Mums been dead for nearly 4 years.... why did I go to her house to see her???!

[in_BPD_hell]

So my mums been dead for almost 4 years, and even though I know this, boy don't I know it!, but this week its like I've forgotten.

I rang her, and the line was blocked, so I panicked thinking, something must have happened to her and I went to her house. When I got there, her car wasn't there... and it hit me. I lost the plot and burst out crying and just sat on the curb outside for like 10 minutes, until one of our old neighbours came and got me, gave me a cup of tea and said its 'normal'

I have done it again today, I rang her.. but this time I remembered.

The thing is - I did this a LOT when she first died, but it stopped, why has it come back? Its very distressing.

[Snow White.]

This would be very distressing for you indeed, having so many moments where it hits you all over again. I don't know why it's started to happen again though that you would do things like call her. Are you under a lot of stress at the moment? I'm wondering if that is contributing.

I'm sorry you're going through this :(

[in_BPD_hell]

Thanks for your message. Yeh sadly I am. It's really got me today I'm like I was when I first found out

[in_BPD_hell]

I can't cope. I don't want to take an overdose... Why do I have to

[Snow White.]

You don't have to overdose. Things are very hard now but they can get better. You're under so much stress that makes everything seem a great deal harder. Please hold on and call for help if you need.

[in_BPD_hell]

Thank you. I ended up with a trip to a forced trip to a&e by my husband. They did some blood tests told me I'm fine and sent me home. My husband is furious with me. I feel like I'm even more of a failure!!! X