So confused...

in_BPD_hell · 03-04-2014, 07:55 PM

So I went to see a new psychistrist today as my usual one is on mat leave and he said that I haven't got bpd. I'm stressed avid that he is happy to discharge me!!! I said I didn't feel ready so he said he'll see me in six months. I didn't feel I could talk to him. I feel lost

Wonderland. · 03-04-2014, 08:10 PM

I'm glad you were able to say that you don't feel ready to be discharged and that he is happy to see you in 6 months.

What ongoing support do you have, if any?

in_BPD_hell · 03-04-2014, 08:37 PM

Hi

Thanks. I felt he didn't listen to me, but because I am technically functioning quite well he isn't really that concerned and I don't need their time as he said that I am probably one of the wellest patients he has seen, and that I don't require the cmht support, I just need a friend or someone to talk too.

The problem is I have been in so many situations over such a long time (10 years) that I have found dangerous, due to my self harm, where I have taken ODs, big cuts etc... and I worry that I will never get any better, or it will get worse. I have felt suicidal even just last week and get easily overwhelmed and extremely upset.

The support I have at the moment is my family and friends, and I am awaiting psychotherapy starting CAT therapy in the near future. My GP is also amazing... so I guess I am incredibly lucky and should appreciate it, and I do. I really do. I guess I'm just scared that he wants to get rid of me... maybe im just being selfish.

Wonderland. · 03-04-2014, 08:51 PM

Do you think that perhaps you appear well even though you don't feel you are? You mentioned not feeling able to talk to him. Did you make him aware of the suicidal thoughts?

I'm glad that you have the support of family and friends. It's good that you are going to start therapy in the near future. Hopefully then you'll be able to work on your issues.

in_BPD_hell · 03-04-2014, 09:24 PM

Hi. Yeah I know that I can put on a 'brave face' its my general day face...
I didn't tell him about the suicidal thoughts as he wasn't approachable and he scared me. I felt very vulnerable and insecure when I was talking to him, so felt I needed to defend myself. its all a bit messed up. I also lied to him because he asked if I had SH and I said no.. which isn't true. I completely understand that he cant help me unless I tell him the truth but I thought he was really unhelpful and I couldn't be honest with him

Pomegranate · 03-04-2014, 09:30 PM

But how could he be helpful if he doesn't know what's going on with you?

in_BPD_hell · 03-04-2014, 09:41 PM

I mean it in an approachable way... Like he couldn't be helpful because he scared me and I didn't feel I could talk, I froze off

Pomegranate · 03-04-2014, 09:43 PM

What about him scared you? Maybe if you're not seeing him for another six months you're old psych might be back by then. Did you feel able to talk to them? What is different between the two approaches?

in_BPD_hell · 03-04-2014, 10:02 PM

Hi. she wont be back until Jan 2015, so Ill prob be discharged by then. Yeh I could talk to my other one she was really nice to me, firm but fair. She would allow me to talk about my thoughts and feelings and feel like 'its ok' and I felt that it was supportive, and an action plan would always be made before I left the room, I admit I didn't always agree with it but she always acted in my best interests. she used to listen to me and not write on paper and whether I was with her for 5 mins or 30 she remained focused on what I needed. Whereas with him as soon as I met him I felt uncomfortable, he was really rushed and was obviously stressed himself and he started talking to me straight away about my job and how I had to 'get myself together' etc.. and I felt like I had to and I had to say everything was ok. he was also writing facts down, and just rattled off a list of questions, but in a way that I found it hard to say well yes actually.. for example 'I'm assuming after everything that's happened you've not self harmed' I felt I had to say no. My previous pscyh would have just been like 'whats been going on... I want to know the good and the bad'

I generally don't get along with men very well anyway due to past things but this was particularly bad. sorry for moaning. I know this is trivial

Pomegranate · 03-04-2014, 10:19 PM

You're not moaning, and it's not trivial. I think acknowledging your response may be biased because it was a man (which I would also struggle with), is important though. Could you ring up and ask to change appointment to a female? I've change before and they've always been one with it. Maybe thinking about why you felt unable to be honest and what that triggered would be helpful to you in the mean time. CAT will ask you to be analytical as well.