Contains sexual abuse - Disconnecting in therapy

[Crazy Cat Lady]

Hi,

I hope you're all okay as can be.

I confided in my therapist about the past last week; it was very difficult but I did it, even though I could only write a letter.

I found today's session very difficult.
I seemed to disconnect and "shut off" - I spent the whole session staring at the floor and the bin and crying. She explained that's it's normal to put up a wall and she's there to help me try and take it down, brick by brick.

I feel quite disappointed in myself but she said therapy is never straight forward and she thinks I did very well to come today and do what I did last week.

I think I may try and write down a few things for next session as I'm finding it so hard to talk about how I feel. Do you think that could help?

I'm determined to try harder next week - I've been told I often disconnect when things are hard and often need a push.

x

[Doe]

It's sometimes much easier to write things down so I think you should definitely give it a try!
Don't worry, just like your therapist said, it's normal. But it doesn't put an end to your therapy after all. You might have a feeling you're disconnecting, but I think it's only natural. Therapy is hard, admitting to whatever happened to us requires effort. Sitting in silence seems to be a much easier option and it is. Except it leads nowhere.
Don't feel disappointed, I believe the therapy itself is a huge step forward for everyone, even when it feels like it doesn't give you anything. After all it's admitting you have a problem and need help.
But it's great to hear you feel determined to try harder! Just don't discourage yourself.

[Patent Pending]

Hey honey,

How are you doing now?

As I said in my PM, this is very common and try not to be too hard on yourself about it.

x x x

[Crazy Cat Lady]

I'm really not good at the moment. x

[Patent Pending]

Hey honey,

Do you want to talk about what's going on with you?

x x x

[Crazy Cat Lady]

Hi sweetheart,

I don't really know how I feel, or even if I know how I feel yet I'm too afraid of it.... if that makes sense?

xx

[Patent Pending]

Hey *hugs*

I think I kind of get it - almost like a numbness is better than feeling it full force right now?

Kind of like when you have a graze and you need to dip it into water so you put it off as long as possible because it will sting and keep stinging?

Does that make sense?

We're here to help you explore these thoughts/feelings.

x x x

[Epicene]

Well done for confiding. I am at a similar stage in my therapy, and can sympathise with the feeling that disconnection gets in the way. I don't have any real words of wisdom, but if it helps to talk to someone in a similar position you are always welcome to PM me.

[Crazy Cat Lady]

Thank you all so much for your support; it really does mean a lot to me.

I keep dissociating but been told this is a symptom of my PTSD, although I'm having another assessment with a Psychiatrist shortly.

I feel extremely overwhelmed and the self harm as got worse. I promised the psychologist I would try my best and not hurt myself and now I feel I've let her down. I don't really know how to cope. I've also been binging and purging (something which is alien to me as I've suffered with anorexia for 12 years) and feel so much disgust and guilt.

I get my blood test results tomorrow which I'm absolutely dreading :(

[I am a cat]

Do you have any grounding techniques?
I personally find these useful when I disassociate.