Pregnant again - any hope after a previous bad post natal period?
I'm nearly 8 weeks pregnant - planned. However it has still come as a shock to the system, and I'm worrying about the post natal period, as I had such a hard time last time.
This pregnancy I have to learn to accept I will not have a choice over breastfeeding - the baby will have to be bottle fed from early on, perhaps breast fed the first week or two.
I'm worrying about coping with a newborn, toddler, and mental ill health, but have asked to stay with my current CMHT as I don't want to go back to my old peri natal MHT, which would feel like a backwards step.
Has anyone had a previous bad time with a child, but gone on to have a successful time of it second time round? Obviously this time forewarned is forearmed, I know there's no breastfeeding allowed, which is hard enough to deal with.
I just want to enjoy this pregnancy, but I can't, because I'm suddenly filled with worry, perhaps a sign that I had just shoved my head in the sand whilst planning the pregnancy.
I don't have personal experience, but when I was at the mum and baby unit, I heard many success stories from the staff about parents who had been seriously unwell with their first and been totally fine with the second. I met a mum when I was on the ward who used to be a patient and had come in with her second child who was a newborn and she was totally fine!
I don't know if there is any scientific/medical basis for this, but some of the more experienced staff said that it doesn't tend to be as bad as it was with the first child. Whether this is because your body kind of knows what it's doing and it's not such a shock or if you're just more aware of the signs of post natal illness, I don't know!
Do you have any post natal illness support groups near you?
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
Thank you - I doubt there is any kind of post natal support groups near me, I live in quite an isolated small rural town.
My old CPN rang me earlier to pass on her congratulations - my consultant had told my old PN doc (checking meds) who had told the ward staff! I don't mind it was nice of her to call. She was also saying a lot of mums cope second time around, I guess there's less complete terror and stress because you know what you're doing with the second.
I was bad after having my son (now almost 2) and am now 26weeks pregnant and feeling the same as you... It worrys me a lot how I'll be after the birth.
I'd say don't go back to the pre natal MHT but do try to discuss feelings about PND with your midwife as much as possible. That's what I've been doing and I've found my mw is very very kind and helpful and can always help me put bad feelings/worry aside.
Also may I ask why won't you be able to breast feed? X
Thanks Erin, and congratulations! - I'm actually seeing my old PN CPN today for a catch up - I'm not going back in their service but I'm under the adult CMHT and have a CPN I see weekly and psych monthly.
It's just difficult knowing what is down, and what is hormones. I think I'm very hormonal right now!
My sister had serious post-natal depression after her first child was born. Nothing was right, everything made her feel worse, nothing went the way she had hoped and dreamed. It didn't help that my niece is quite a spirited child! (I adore her, but she is very challenging at times)
Last year, my second niece was born. The difference in my sister was incredible! She still suffers, but she is just SO much better. My sister was still depressed before having A (her second child), but from the moment A was born, my sister was noticeably better. It's like A fixed her. Or at least fixed a lot of it.
Obviously every case is different, but previous experience doesn't necessarily dictate future experience. Also, this time you know what to look out for. You are that bit more aware of the warning signs, of the difficulties you can expect. You know how tough it is, and hopefully will be more confident about asking for help, with both the feelings and the child care.
Keep those around you abreast of the situation, how you were before, what to look for, etc. Also, set up things in advance that may help you. Make sure your partner, family/friends, a babysitter are available for just after the birth. Prepare as much as you can beforehand to make things just a little bit easier on you. I will also point out that things are usually easier with the second child. You have more to do, simply because there are more people to look after(!), but you will be more relaxed. You won't be as uptight, as frantic. You know what you're doing this time!
Maybe consider a journal of sorts. Something to track your mood, track your thoughts. If you find yourself frequently dwelling on motherhood issues, take that as more of a PND low than a general mood low. Best to be on the safe side. The more on top of it you stay, the easier you will find it.
Sorry, this is a ramble! Congratulations on your pregnancy, and I wish you all the best! :) *hugs*
