Apologies if it's been done before. Just wanted to share a bit of a cheap laugh.....
LITTLE RALPHY
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Ralphy.
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'
Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the
cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and
sucked the cone.'
To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your
thinking.'
LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH
Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
Why?' asks the father?
'The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.
'But that's right!' says his dad.
'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''
'What the hell's the difference?' asks the father.
'That's what I said!'
LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH
Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'
RALPHY says,
Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.'
Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR
Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he
needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I
need to take a piss!!'
The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct
word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I
will allow you to go.'
Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in
the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'
'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. 'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned
out beautifully.'
She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY. 'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f**kin' beautiful!''
LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER
Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench, munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a
man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your
teeth, and make you fat.'
Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own damn business.
The only time you will find real light is when you're searching in the dark..
"Watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
He he, I had heard some of them before not but not all of the them, trying to hide my laughter as my manager is sat in the other office and can see me through the glass wall.
Half Psychotic Sick Hypnotic We sat and waited for the sea
To stretch out so that we could disappear
Into the endlessness of blue Into the horror of the truth We are far less than we knew
"When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.”
If only you'd ever speak to me
the way you once did
look at me the way you once did
pull to me the way you once did
but you don't
you don't feel anymore
you don't care anymore
it's all gone
it's all gone
L_M_G is my mummy :) inkerman and razorbladedarling are my two non-identical twin sprogs (concieved on same day) Scabette< cos she has the cutest puppy dog eyes and i cant resist!feeling-afraid< my bottle of glitter!! which i just have to have :Pmidnight stars< my gorgeous sister, whom i love to bits ;) Dance With The Fairy< *star*gazing*buddie :] Broken-Fairy is my partner in crime ;) little_miss is my real life saviour PaperClip is my stationary queen
