Old relationship on my mind

[Aardbei]

Hi! I have been noticing things that shouldn't be/usually aren't have been playing on my mind this past week and I'm not really sure why. Sorry if this is super long and rambly.

I was with my first boyfriend for almost 7 years and he broke up with me the day after I graduated. Of course I was devastated as I was so integrated into his family, in love with him, etc etc and it took a long time to move on. I had to move back home with my Mum and it was just an awful time in my life. I cut off contact as talking to him was too painful. This was around 2 and a half years ago now and we haven't spoken to each other in almost that long.

I'm now happy in a new relationship of coming up to 2 years, back at university in a new city doing my Masters, with lots of new friends, keeping busy with volunteering. My mood has been a bit wobbly, but I'm as stable as I think someone like me can be. For some reason, my first boyfriend has been on my mind/in my dreams a lot recently - not him specifically, but the long relationship and his family and how much I miss them. I even cried about it yesterday which hasn't happened for a very long time. I still have his Mum and family on Facebook and seeing them moving on with their lives (for example, his sister had a baby) is quite difficult, but I'm happy for them of course. It hasn't bothered me in ages but it's really getting me down at the moment. I don't want to be with him, I'd be happy if I never saw him again, which is why I'm confused it's playing on my mind so much.

Do you guys have any experience of this/any suggestions for me? Thanks :)

[consequential]

Maybe you blocked it out for so long that it's coming back now. It's near xmas too so you might be looking back on the past and just thinking too much. If someone was that large a part of your life then it is only natural they would come into your mind.

[Aardbei]

That's possible. I am quite stressed at the moment so maybe it's bringing up stuff that wouldn't usually bother me.

[Aardbei]

Hi Nish,

Thanks so much for your kind reply. The thing is, I do feel I've moved on - I don't want to see him or his family again, but as they were such a big part of my life it's also important to me to know that they're all doing okay. I have of course moved on with my life also and it's only natural that they would continue too. His Mum also said she wants to stay in touch with me to know that I'm doing alright and I feel it would be unfair to her to suddenly cut off contact. I don't have my actual boyfriend added anywhere online as he's the one I can't stand seeing.

I did have a period of grieving - it felt like I cried for 8 solid months - and I also feel like I moved on from that, and I've been fine for a long time. It's just come back up again for some reason. I do make comparisons between my current partner and my old boyfriend, but believe me, my new boyfriend is better in pretty much every way! :P

I really appreciate your advice and will have a think about whether I've really moved on but I expect it's just a blip during a time of stress! x

[The Worst Witch]

I don't really have much advice, but I just wanted to say that I'm in/was in almost the exact same situation so I do know how hard it is.

Hoping that you are ok <3