talking to my ex and confused

zivalover16 · 10-12-2013, 02:05 AM

So I unblocked my EX to wish her good luck on surgery she is having next week for thyroid cancer. We started talking and I told her I wanted to be friends again but she said she wasn't to be more and that she has changed. We broke up because she smoked and I told her I couldn't be with a smoker and she started verbally abusing me and saying really hurtful things. Anyway I told her it would take a lot for me to get back with her after all she did. She said she was willing to prove to me she has changed. She finally started seeing a therapist and is getting other health issues taken care of. None of my family like her. I still have feelings for her but I think it's because she was my first everything. She'll never get a job due to back problems and I want a partner who will be able to work and help with money specially when It's time to have kids.... I don't know what to do. I'm so confused :(

happywondering · 10-12-2013, 02:20 PM

Why prolong the misery for both of you? Just be straight and say you don't want to be with her. Seeing as you clearly stated she is not the person you want to be with long term, so don't force her to change for you if it wont make eiter of you happy.

zivalover16 · 10-12-2013, 07:31 PM

I told her I couldn't get back together with her straight out but she wouldn't accept it. I even said that I want to see someone else at some point and she just kept saying she's changed and wanted to prove it to me... I don't know how else to make it more clear

griddlebone · 11-12-2013, 04:29 PM

I know its difficult to break ties with someone you love, but from what I have read about your relationship it seems pretty unhealthy. You two dont seem to work and I think by maintaining contact or restarting contact its just making you both more miserable.

a_seething_one · 13-12-2013, 10:01 AM

I agree with what has been said...

It's really hard to let go... But having been through similar experiences, honestly it's probably best to break ties with her for now. Maybe some time down the road, you could rekindle your relationship as friends, but right now, as the others said, you're really just lengthening the pain.

Also, one thing to consider is that it's really painful to be "just friends" with someone whom you've been sexually intimate with (if this even applies to you).

UpNdown · 18-12-2013, 01:07 AM

I was married 26 years then got a divorce. I will say if it is not something YOU are wanting then back away. Marriage takes 2 people both wanting it and even then it takes care and maintenance. The best advice I can give you is to never end a relationship with cruel words and actions even if they are doing it to you , just let it go in one ear and out the other and don't respond with the same. Later on when it's all over you will be so glad you didn't. If she is still wanting you and wanting to try you can't be friends until she is over it and has had time to heal . You will need to make distance between you so she can realize it is over and begin to heal. You can still have feelings of love for someone even when it's over and there is no going back. I still have feelings of love for my ex, but there is no way that could ever work again and I've had to move on..he's had to move on. That's just my opinion. I might be wrong. I don't know everything ;) Best wishes