I don't really know what to say or what the point of this thread is. I just feel really suicidal and like I'm ready to give up. I can't "win", so why try? Things aren't going to get better or easier... I've been waiting too long for that too happen. It just feels really pointless right now to keep fighting and trying, and I just feel like curling up in my room and crying and not leaving for any reason...
"I need you to know, I'm not through the night. Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light."
"I don't belong here, I gotta move on, dear. Escape from this afterlife"
"Don't let them in, don't let them see. Be the good girl you always had to be. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know."
Awwwww Sasha , is there anything what is making you feel like this. Would you like to explain a bit more. I know it's hard but please stay strong. Maybe you could distract yourself by watching a favourite film when you start to feel suicidal. If you ever want to talk then feel free to PM me.
Love from MEERA xx
“The only way that we can live is if we grow. The only way we can grow is if we change. The only way we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we are exposed is if we throw ourselves into the open.”
I know how bleak things can get when you reach this point and it can be hard to remember or even imagine things getting better but there is always hope it just gets hard to see when we are feeling so bad. Has anything happened recently to make you feel worse? Do you have any supports that you reach out to for some extra support? Take care
Kat xxx
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
Thanks Meera and Kat - I don't know if it was necessarily one thing, more so just a combination of everything piling up. The past few weeks have been really bad, and it's just starting to feel like there's no point in trying anymore. I've tried distractions, but they're not working. On Wednesday I completely flipped out at one of the black belts in karate, and she was already at the point where she said she wasn't going to help me anymore bc "I have no respect for the people around me"... and now one of the other black belts is saying that if I lose my temper like that again, he won't help me anymore either. So I feel like I'm being forced to quit karate. I'm not sure I'll be able to go back to school next semester, because I don't know if I'll have financial aid. My psych is an idiot, so I'm trying to switch, but my therapist said I need my old psych's permission to switch to a new psych. So idk. Just everything piling up all at once.
I feel like SH'ing, but I know it won't really help. But I still want to because it will help temporarily. But I'm in class so can't. I just feel like I'm so sick of everything. :(
"I need you to know, I'm not through the night. Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light."
"I don't belong here, I gotta move on, dear. Escape from this afterlife"
"Don't let them in, don't let them see. Be the good girl you always had to be. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know."
It's hard when everything hits you all at once. Karate sounds like it is a good outlet for you but that sometimes your temper gets the better of you. Perhaps if you feel yourself getting angry you can leave the room and give yourself some time out to allow yourself to calm down. I wouldn't think you would need permission to switch, perhaps there is someone you could complain to about him. Yes self-harm may help temporarily but it will also probably make you feel worse in the long run too. Your counsellor sounds like someone you get along with, do they know how bad things have gotten for you?
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
I don't have any words right now...but leaving loads of love and hugs.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
Kat - I'm usually pretty good at controlling my temper, I was just having a really really shitty day on Wednesday and getting hit in the face multiple times during sparring didn't help much. I have to ask permission to leave when we're practicing things, which I did. I was told no, keep going. Which led to me getting hit some more. I was sparring against the black belt who told me she wouldn't work with me anymore, and I'm only a gold advanced belt. She's supposed to come down to my level, but she didn't. And I wound up just snapping and flipping out at her. Which was wrong and I apologized for it yesterday when I saw her, but still... idk...
My therapist said she has to talk to my old psych about it and then talk to the other psych in the office to see if he'll see me. If both of the psychs agree to me switching, I can switch. Otherwise, I can't. idk what I'll do if they don't both agree. But I am NOT going back to my old psych. She knows that I've been struggling and self harming a lot lately, but she doesn't know how bad it's been the past few days. And I don't see her again until Monday :(
Thanks Katie *hugs*
"I need you to know, I'm not through the night. Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light."
"I don't belong here, I gotta move on, dear. Escape from this afterlife"
"Don't let them in, don't let them see. Be the good girl you always had to be. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know."
Sorry for bumping this. I don't know what to do though. I feel really suicidal and feel like I want to SH and distractions aren't helping at all. :( I don't have a way of doing anything to attempt suicide, so I know I'm safe from that, but not from the SH. And it's been getting worse lately, which is a bit scary, tbh. idk what to do :(
"I need you to know, I'm not through the night. Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light."
"I don't belong here, I gotta move on, dear. Escape from this afterlife"
"Don't let them in, don't let them see. Be the good girl you always had to be. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know."
I wound up going to bed, but yet, I still feel like shit now. There isn't anyone that could come, and the only 2 people who could possibly hang out, one is sick and the other is at work all day... :(
"I need you to know, I'm not through the night. Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light."
"I don't belong here, I gotta move on, dear. Escape from this afterlife"
"Don't let them in, don't let them see. Be the good girl you always had to be. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know."
