hi

[gravy]

Hi I am very much a lurker, and feel much more comfortable that way. However I know certain members have felt uncomfortable with me reading their threads so I thought I'd just explain my situation a little bit so people hopefully realise I'm not a weirdo troll but someone in complete mental torture right now and I'm shy.

I'm Helena, I am currently struggling to keep myself alive, I came out of a psych unit a month ago after a lengthy admission for ed, self harm and suicidal ideation. Hardest ten months of my life and now I'm hanging on by a thread trying desperately to get better and have a life I'm beginning to see I deserve. After being institutionalised for so long I'm finding it very hard on my own. I live alone. I'm reaching out, being honest and working damn hard not to engage in behaviors because I want to be well more than anything, its just the feelings that come with recovery are so hard to manage I feel like I'm going insane even though this is probably the sanist I've been behavior wise.

I feel alone, very much, so I lurk here in a bid to find people who understand.
So I'm sorry if my presence has offended anyone. This is just me.

[Nymphette]

I'm really sorry, i know this is because of me. You shouldnt have had to do this, i'm so sorry. I hope you can understand that i'm not in a good place either and what i've said comes from that place, rather than who i am as a person.

Though, i'm glad you have posted because it sounds like you're really struggling right now and need and deserve some support.

Do you have any out patient support? It sounds like you're doing really well despite everything, i hope posting here shows you you arent alone and people would like to support you.

xxx

[gravy]

Thank you that means a lot. I know you're really struggling right now and on reflection I can see how unnerving it must be to have random people reading your threads, so I'm sorry about that.

Yeah I'm trying so hard right now, I have a cpn once a week and a good doctor who I can be honest with. Quite proud of myself on one hand but feel guilty on the other, I'm sure you get that too.

Just believe in yourself, ten months ago I was in a similar situation to you, thought I'd never turn it round and whilst I'm still struggling like hell I feel more in control than I ever have. Slow baby steps are better than none.
X

[Patch.]

Hey lovely. Don't apologize for reading people's threads, you're doing nothing wrong. I don't have many words right now, but I do care and wanted to reply to you. Stay strong x

[Nymphette]

You should be proud of yourself :) I'm glad you can see that as a small positive. How have things been the last couple of days? xx

[Sketchy]

Keep talking to your cpn and keep in touch with people. It can be hard living on your own and I know how easy it is to shut people away, so being around people, although hard, is very important.

I wish I had something useful to say, but I wanted to let you know you are not alone. Also, I am impressed, it sounds like you have made so many positive steps. You have worked hard to get where you are, sadly it's still a difficult time, but you can fight through this too.