never ending

[lottybear]

I want to die
I cant take my life anymore, i have tried so much. I cant seem to escape the endless pain.
Im on self destruct, i hurt myself but its never enough pain, i deserve to suffer so much more.
My life is a complete fuck up starving and purging for the last 12 years, its never enough.
The fibromyalgia and the constant tiredness is tearing me up, i wont allow myself to take medication because i don't deserve to.
The constant ocd and quirks controlling my waking hours.
I miss my dad and want to be with him in heaven, life was never meant to be like this.
Im scared what i will do, but i dont see a way out

[HeartsCry]

I'm really sorry things have been so difficult :( do you have someone you can open up to about this? Don't give up now, you're definitely worth the fight :)

[Belt]

Sometimes it's easier to accept that things'll never get better because that takes the responsibility off ourselves to keep working at it. You sound as if you need a break from yourself, you'll never get away from your mental health problems WITHOUT tonnes of work both emotional and physical but you can stop fighting against yourself for now. Allow yourself to be mentally ill, within reason. You are not weak, you are simply coping as best you can with what you have now. Soon enough you'll feel a little bit of fight and resistance come back to you and you'll be able to pick yourself up again and start working to better yourself. But for now, I'd say allow yourself to feel hurt and even broken. It's okay to feel bad and tired sometimes. Please stay safe and please stay here.

Love Robyn