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Personal Piece- Contains upsetting material - Me
So, I like to write about my emotions when they are really strong like hey are tonight. I do not really curse.. but sometimes when I start writing and me emotions start to flow out I use words that I never even knew I could use... I really do not know what this is going to be like.
You forced your red on my white making me the darkest shade of pink. That pink turned to black then faded to dark pink. ((I use colors to describe emotions a lot))
When I close my eyes I see your face.
In my memory, cant erase it.
There where times that I embarrassed it.
But now I just ****ing hate it!
All the things that you have made it.
You could have let it be.
You could have helped me.
I wanted that, you see.
I wanted that to be!
You said you wanted to.
So I just trusted you.
So I just ran to you.
I opend up to you.
I showed my soul to you,
like you could pull me through.
And you took all that I said
just to get inside my head.
Make me feel like I was red.
And I gave in to you.
Gave it all to you.
Takeing your lies over the truth.
But we both know that I was white!
You know mu soul was light!
Now I can't make this right.
I fell from such grate hights.
You pushed with all your might.
Will I ever be the same?
Can I ever stop the pain?
Will I get out of the rain?
I can't out run my shame.
Nor can I out live my name.
Is anybody there?
Does anybody care?
Does anyone what to stop what's hapening right here?
I just want to feel like someone out there cares.
I still think about you. I remember you. I have hopes for you. I think about how you said that you wanted to protect and serve. You said you wanted to help people. You wanted to help me? I still remember my screams. The screams you caused. I hope that you still hear them. I hope that when you try to sleep they flood your ears. I hope when you sleep they invade your dreams. I still think about you, I remember you, I have hopes for you....
I wake up and my palms are sweaty.
My head hurts and I can't think.
My blood's pumpn', heart's heavy.
I grab the water, start to drink.
Three seconds, it's gone already.
I feel like I just hit the brink.
I try to stand but I'm not steady.
I just need some time to think.
I go to stand and hit the floor.
the dream I had still fresh in mind.
I can't take this anymore.
I have this nightmare all the time.
my dreams are just a ****ing horror.
I think it's time for me to die.
I live in this box. I am alone in this box. No one can understand me. No one can help me. There is hopelessnes in this box. There is no hope that someday I will get out of the box. Hopeless leads to fear. Fear incresses the pain. The pain that is only exacerbated by the lonelyness. It is dark in the box. The box cuts me off from the light. The light to see that there is a life outside of the box. The box is depression. I live in this box.
You have no idea what it does when you scream at me. I try to tell you and you scream more. You point out my every fault as though I do not know I will never be as good as you. You blow me off when I try to talk to you. You jump me every time I mess up. I try so hard to make you proud of me. But it is like you are looking right through me. You get mad when I cry. But you are the reason why. You get mad when I'm depressed. But you do not try to help. You want me to leave my room some. But when I do all you ever do is make me want to crawl under a rock and hide. Your words hurt more than any sticks or stones. They can brake my bones. But your words kill me.
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