I'm so sorry, could I possibly have a friend - tonight is very hard.

[ccjg]

I'm so sorry so sorry I know I shouldn't be doing this but

I'll try to be as comprehensive as possible, crying so much my heart feels like it's exploded
I've started a PhD today - and I feel suicidal. I so wanted to come back to DU, it's where I did my undergrad and I love it, it's such a perfect place but everyone is so clearly devastated that I'm back, the looks on their faces, they hate me. They HATE me. Everyone's thinking fucking STUPID mental health problems girl has come back and will cause no end of bother.

And I just want to die. I want to be dead. I really, really want to be dead.

To make matter's worse Ive taken up a lots of valuable time of my friends by being so needy tonight and I really need to be taught a lesson. I'm not sure how. But I intend to punish myself somehow.

[LegoGirl]

Are you sure people are thinking this way?
Starting a PhD brings up lots of big emotions, everyone I know who has started, me included, has gone through massive anxiety at the start and thought all things of things they've looked back on and realised we part of the anxiety of starting.
You have to take it one tiny step at a time right now.
What is your PhD in?
It's brilliant to get on to a PhD programme, congratulations.