Someone here has sent a link to my serious post to my husband, through his band managers email.
I'm disgusted. It has completely violated RYL as a safe place for me and was sent to a completely inappropriate source, that looks very unprofessional on him.
I appreciate that someone was worried, but I have a therapist who I talk to, and will talk to about my latest thoughts. RYL was somewhere safe I could come to get some thoughts out inbetween sessions, an outlet, for some advice. I can't believe someone has taken they away from me.
Why couldn't you just write your concerns? That would have been bad enough. But to the post the link to my thread, the site. I feel completely violated. I can't believe that his band manager read those thoughts. I didnt even have chance to answer whether I could talk to my husband or not.
I have the email address of the person who sent it, and I would like this looked into. As far as I am concerned it was completely unacceptable.
A few years back someone on here contacted my sister, so I can understand how betrayed you feel. RYL is supposed to be a safe place, a place people can come even when they have nowhere else, and its terrible that some people undermine that. I do think that if someone genuinely wanted help they would seek it and that sometimes the internet can be somewhere we vent and perhaps say things we wouldn't in real life.
If anyone is genuinely concerned about a member they can always contact the supporters and we will try to support that person.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
That would be so horrible. You have every right to feel upset. Even if they were concerned for your safety, sending a link or any part of the post was not needed. If they felt you were in danger they could've simply left it at that when contacting your husband. To do it where anyone besides him could see it is awful too.
I do wish all support boards were not viewable to the public, but unfortunately they are. It's why I don't give any identifying info about myself. Could you create a secret account like mentioned? It also is a shame you cannot block members from viewing posts as that would help with this type of issue.
Stereotypes are the epitome of human laziness.
- me
However this is the problem with posting on the internet and even if the boards were all private all someone would have to do is email the person saying 'username is someone you know who has written such and such' then anyone can make an account and view it.
The issue with posting anything on the internet is that it can be viewed by people and however much we try and make RYL a safe place, its still in the public domain.
Whoever it was should probably feel bad about what they have done, however there are no rules which state that this is against the rules.Im guessing you knew them pretty well if they were able to find your bfs band managers email address.
If you truly want this to be a safe place then you have to be anon. Not have any info about yourself, thats the only way to guarantee that.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
The trouble is, as horrible as this situation has been, its probably a vital learning curve, having your photo on your profile, real name and other info will also mean some people may assume they can use the info.
Of course contacting someone other than your husband, although the message was intended for your husband, is out of order but hopefully now you can prevent anything like this happening again and keep some anonymity online to protect yourself.
If you don't want the info to be used at all, keep it private. That said, I understand the upset this has caused and I can see why the way they went about telling your husband has caused a lot of further distress. Generally anyone who genuinely cares would speak to you first and explain who they were telling and why. Its very hard because sometimes people feel they need to 'do' something or inform someone, but there are ways of going about this that limit the damage; usually this is down to who exactly they are telling.
I once rang social services regarding someone being abused and gave the information/school/name and left it with them. Telling relatives is complex; telling other people who don't need to know is just not on.
I understand why you would be upset. But you were posting about wanting to hurt/kill people and that the possibility was getting more likely. So whoever did it, probably not only had your best interests in mind, but also the safety of the people you were threatening to hurt.
I think maybe it was the wrong way to go about it though. They should have talked to you first.
I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!
The last question i got asked on the thread was whether i could talk to him, i never even got chance go ****ing reply to that. Why did they not give me chance? Why could they not have spoken to me properly?
I hope they feel like ****. Honestly. So ****ing stupid. How could it possibly have helped things?!! I hope you feel stupid. I now have no where safe.
I honestly dont think you're going to get the answers you're looking for from this thread.
Whoever it was probably did it out of a misguided view that it would be helping.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
I get why you're angry but at the end of the day they clearly did it out of worry. If you post stuff online, with your name, your photo, about how suicidal you are, your husbands name, and by the way did you ever think whether that might not be appropriate for him, to publicise his business in a public forum? Because it was you did that not the person who sent the email.
You said you got banned from another forum for breaking their rules by pasting stuff other people had written from private forums there into here.
And yet none of this is your fault and its everyone else's fault you have no 'safe space'.
You'd do better to stop the swearing and wishing others felt bad and think a bit on your own part in this.
In my view they did the right thing. Clearly they felt sufficiently alarmed by what you had been writing..
I just think where is the line in contacting others significant others, friends or family? I often post about suicidal feelings, where does someone draw the line between when a person is managing that themselves and if someone else needs to be contacted. And even then I'd say you should discuss it with the person in question.
I guess this makes me worry that if this is okay then it's fair game for anyone who is suicidal to have that reported to others, where instead many people are posting here to manage that and get through it without that assistance.
I guess it's because I've seen so many TV shows where someone has died and been posting online and the parents are saying 'why did no one do anything' that I can see it from the point of view of the person who reported it.
Just because someone is online doesn't stop you worrying or caring. It's hard to stand by and watch someone potentially end their life if you feel you can help.
If you want a place to discuss those thoughts it's best to keep your online presence anon.
I don't think you can draw a specific line because every situation is delicate personal and different, in this case no I wouldn't have contacted someone's husbands work place personally, but you can't make hard and fast rules about these things, life and people are way too complicated
Last edited by LegoGirl : 16-09-2013 at 09:00 AM.
Reason: Spelling
Yes, I understand and I want to make it clear I don't mean that I don't worry, I just it's hard to tell who will 'potentially' end their life and who is better off you encouraging them to get help themselves and for who that will be sufficient. It's the same thing psychologists go through when considering if they need to break confidentiality; a balance of keeping trust and being responsible with information. But even then they consult the person first.
I guess I'm just saying it's worth considering if any one else has this concern about someone else that it might be best to consult the person first about your concerns and any ideas to intervene.
There would I think be cases both professionally and online for not contacting the person first though, like if you thought it might make them more secretive or likely to stop engaging with help or run off.
I haven't always been consulted before MHA assessments because it would have just made me run away.
That's what I mean, you can't make any rules for these things.
In some cases sending a PM saying 'I'm thinking of contacting your Mother' could just terrify someone and cause them to shut down rather than open a channel of communication.
Oh yes certainly I agree, I guess I'm thinking more along the lines of "I'm really worried about you and the things your saying, I think you need to contact someone and get some help". Perhaps, as they've already reached out here they might continue in real life with encouragement.
But you're right; we're talking hypothetical situations now but I guess I just wanted to get it out there.
The situations I can think of where contacting someone else might be required are when there is a specific and identifiable risk to someone; and where harm can be avoided by informing someone. But I'm thinking like immediate harm.
Sometimes if there is an IMMEDIATE danger to life then we have to intervene, if there's not then NO, but by that i mean someone would have had to have done something that would end their life within say a 48 hour period if no action was taken, then and only then! Snow White i KNOW u would take the right action in those circumstances and Lego girl everything you're saying makes sense as well!
