that's meant to be the cut off point right? when someone causes you more stress than happiness, it's not meant to be worth it. but where am i without him? i gave up so much to be with him. i believed him when he told me he loved me. i lost my virginity to him. i thought perhaps things would get better. but they didn't. whenever he does something wrong, he goes silent. he wont speak to me, like it's somehow my fault. it drives me mad. he never wakes up for job interviews, or school, or anything other than to play computer games.
it's like i'm drowning and he's just there.. watching me.. saying nothing..
Happiness is a form of courage
~ Holbrook Jackson
''Although the scars of yesterday remain, you can go on living as much as your heart believes. You can't be born again, although you can change.''
I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going well with your boyfriend.
I completely understand everything you are describing in your post and how difficult it can be to walk away from someone that means so much to you, but doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Have you sat down and talked to him about how you are feeling?
I know you probably don't want to hear this, because I didn't when I went through something similar with a few of my ex's, but your best bet is to get out now. Yes, it'll probably be extremely difficult/scary/painful/lonely, ect., but after you cut him out of your life and you've given yourself some time to heal (and also surround yourself with people that are positive and loves you) then it will eventually get easier.
Before I end my post I wanted to give you another piece of advice, which is to do what will make YOU and ONLY you happy because you definitely deserve it.
Anyways, feel free to send me a PM if you'd ever like someone to talk to. Take care and I hope things work out well for you! :)
I guess I can't deal with not knowing... He's blocked me on social network sites and obviously wants nothing more to do with me, but I hate being in limbo. I don't know whether we are together or not. Why do I keep holding onto something that is making me ill? I'm having constant anxiety because I don't know if we're together or not. It will be a bad break up either way I guess but I just want closure. I don't want it to end over a spat. It's truly making me ill. I don't see a way out, or how I'll ever be happy again. I know I need to let go, but it seems so cruel when he might be dealing with a gaming addiction. I don't know where to turn. Do I stay with him and help him through this addiction, because I wouldn't like to be left alone with my addiction? Or do I break it off because it's making me ill? I don't want to leave him to delve deeper into his addiction but I don't want to have constant anxiety attacks until it's over.
Happiness is a form of courage
~ Holbrook Jackson
''Although the scars of yesterday remain, you can go on living as much as your heart believes. You can't be born again, although you can change.''
Every situation, person, how you handle your feelings, ect. is completely different for everyone. What works for one person may not work for another. Also, I'm not trying to make this about me, but I remember when I was going through this with my other boyfriends that it kind of helped when I knew that I wasn't the only one going through it and that others understood what I was feeling.
With all of my past boyfriends they would either ignore me or act like they were through with our relationship, but I decided to stay (all of those relationships lasted about 1-4 years) because I felt like I couldn't deal with my depression and self harm without having a boyfriend whether it be a negative or a positive situation. I later got to the point where i couldn't take all of the feelings that started because of how they treated me and I ended it.
What I'm trying to say, though, is that leaving is terrifying thing to even think about because you are in love with him and you are also going through some difficult things at the moment, but it CAN get better. Unfortunately, if you do decide to leave it can take weeks or even months to be able to get through the day without feeling a ton of pain when you think about him. What can help is picking up a new hobby, go out with friends or family, watch funny movies/tv shows when you are feeling down, ect.
At the end of the day, though, it is your decision to make because you have to live with whatever you choose to do. Just make sure that you look out for yourself because it can be hard supporting another person when you aren't doing well yourself.
