Wonder why

[RainDrop Munchkin]

Hey everyone I am so sorry to be posting but I need a little bit of support please or just someone to talk to who understands..I am not sure if this is meant to go here So I am sorry if I got it wrong and mods you can move it :)
Anyways!! Lately I have just been feeling so along and lost I am worried about a few things and it is scaring me I thought a lot about death last night (not suicidal) just death what it would be like and things you know?? and i do not know why i started to think about it like I did last night!!
i was extremely upset and mad about a few things maybe that was it..
I am sorry everyone
I dont know why I bother sometimes though because something good could happen and then something bad comes along and makes it all go wrong and i hate it when does things get better??

[Patent Pending]

Hey.

Sorry you're feeling so distressed right now.

I don't really have any words but if you ever need to talk please feel free to PM me.

x x x

[crazykat]

Don't be sorry for posting, it is good that you felt able to reach out and get support. Would you like to talk about what it is that is worrying you? Often when people get stressed it can be easy for our minds to turn to dark thoughts. Keep fighting, you can get through this

[RainDrop Munchkin]

Thankyou for the replies.. I just dont know I have had some bloods done and I have to have a gastrocopy next week I feel so ill Just worried it could be something serious but knowing me it will be nothing and I am just stressing over nothing and it will be the 17th august soon I am not sure how I will cope with this I am so scared for it to come xx

[crazykat]

It can be stressful having tests and not knowing what the results will be but try not to worry too much as worrying will not change the results, it is likely to just make you feel more ill. What is happening on the 17th of August?

[PolkaDot.]

It sounds like you have a lot on your mind at the moment and sometimes stress can trigger a downward spiral of negative emotions. Do you find the good times outweigh the bad feelings?

[RainDrop Munchkin]

Erm it will be ther anniversary of my grandads death he past away last 17th august 2012 and I dont know how im meant to deal with that or anything..
Maybe I am just being stupid or something but I dont know if im going to be able to cope with it or anything..

and sometimes the positive does outweigh the negative yes.. but sometimes it doesnt which can make things a whole lot worse x

[RainDrop Munchkin]

thankyou honey :)
And I guess you are right I am just scared to grief because I feel like that is me saying I am letting my grandad go and I am far from doing that! I am not and I dont ever want to let him go so i feel if i grief for him then im kind of accepting that hes never coming back and i dont think i can do this

hope that makes sense

[Patent Pending]

It makes a lot of sense; but grieving isn't about letting him go or forgetting...it's about remembering his life and good times but allowing yourself to move on from the loss and recover.

It makes it easier to remember him and think about him...but I know how hard it is to do.

*hugs*

x x x

[crazykat]

That does make alot of sense. As the above poster pointed out though allowing yourself to grieve isn't you letting go of him or forgetting. It is allowing yourself to grieve over his loss but still remembering his life and the good times. Perhaps it would help you to do something nice to remember him by.

[RainDrop Munchkin]

yeah doing something nice might be a good idea :)
I just dont know I guess im just feeling low about everything right now and thinking about my grandad is making it a lot worse because he understood me even though i didnt have to tell him i was upset and when i didn't show i was upset or anything he understood me but i don't know i guess i'm feeling a little empty.. And then I have other people making me feel like rubbish i just wish people would see that its not okay to hurt or upset people and its not okay for people to constantly make someone feel like rubbish but they dont care..

sorry everyone

[talaiporia]

Maybe you could plan the day out so that you're busy and then you have less time alone to think? Have you talked to your family about him recently?

[crazykat]

^I think planning things to keep yourself busy is a good idea too. I am sorry that people are hurting you, are you able to let them know it is not okay what they are doing? Otherwise can you get some distance from these people. Hope your doing okay today

[RainDrop Munchkin]

sophia no i do not talk to my family anymore and im not going to start now i mean why should i they did part of this they are part of the reason and im in no way blaming them for my self harming just how i feel
planning the day sounds like a good idea but i feel like i shouldnt be having fun because he isnt here to have fun neither :(

[talaiporia]

Maybe it's just about keeping busy and doings some things that you need to do; cleaning the flat, meeting people you've not seen in a while. He wouldn't want you to be msierable.