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I'm Confused With Whats Wrong With Me.
I don't normally do chat rooms. Especially ones like these. But i've decided to go ahead a try it out.
I've been living with many different disorders. Some i believe i've already overcome, and some i know i haven't.
When i was younger, my sister was always considered 'the skinny one' and it never occured to me that i was jealous. But at school (I was only in middle school) i would look around at my friends, who were more social than me, and the first thing i would think is I. Am. Fat.
I would go to school bringing only a poptart, and i would eat half of one, then throw the rest away. That was my lunch. I never ate breakfast, and dinner was something i could easily avoid (i always ate in my room).
My parents, to this day, still don't know about my old eating problem. It wasn't as severe as others, but i still lost alot of weight. I used to count the food on my fingers. If i ate five things that day, which was one whole hand, then i would'nt eat for the rest of the day.
I would look back on those moments, and realize now, that i was skinnier than all those kids.
I just can't seem to get over that part of my life, because it always seemed like my parents didnt care. They never helped. My mom would say 'Your the perfect size' and i just could'nt believe her, yanno?
But my past problems, i've put in the back of my mind, and if you really want to know about those, you can try to pry it out of me.
Most recently, especially this last school year, i was a sophmore, which was my worst year yet. i wont get into too many details, cause this is already long enough, but lets just day my friends were b*tches. (sorry, language.)
I had a crush on this one guy. But i never asked him out, or even got close to that. i used to say he was like a brother to me, which he was, but now that i look back, i was totally swoon with him.
We had the same interests, and he was like me in a boys body.
i hung out with him all through my freshman year. He was my best friend. Was.
this is a really hard subject for me, because he has a girlfriend now, and his girlfriend is the reason i'm depressed. Not because she is going out with him, because that happened afterword, but because of everything she has done to me.
i'll make a seperate post about her. Heck, i might not mention it at all. i'm literally about to cry right now.
But quite recently i know i'm depressed. I know, because i'm at the stage where i feel much better. I used to cry everynight about the same crap, but now i just think about it, and laugh. Is that good?
Because if i asked myself right now, should i die? I literally say, It's not like i'll be missing much.
I'm legally blind as well, so i see things constantly, not like schizophrenia, which my best friend has (i miss him), its just because my vision is so bad, theres splotches in my vision. And sometime i feel like i'm going crazy.
What. Is. Wrong. With. Me.
My life is just getting so annoying for me, something bad happens to me constantly. I feel like God sees me as some punchingbag. or like a huge joke.
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