Chronic Depression

ButterflyKisses · 24-07-2013, 11:11 PM

Hi, I haven't been on here for years, but thought it might be worth getting some advice or opinions from you lovely and understanding people.

My story cut short... I have had (undiagnosed) problems with depression since I was about 12 or 13 (I am now 24) but when I was 17 I had a really bad year of depression and self harm and so seeked help from my GP. I tried antidepressants but I really didn't want to go down that route, and I was too shy to doing any talking-therapy. After I hit the bottom, the only way forward was to die or pull myself out, and with time and hard work, I pulled myself out. Since then my life has been defined by two serious relationships (and I have had some very happy times at the start of both), both of which have ended however because ..to put it bluntly, my boyfriends got sick of my 'moodyness' and felt they couldn't make me happy. The second one ended about 5 months ago and since then I've been trying to soul-search i guess, and figure out how I can stop this from happening yet again, how I can make myself happy, and if I will ever make a relationship work with my personality. I went to my nurse practitioner to rule out any problems with my hormones (I have come off my contraceptive pill incase that was messing with my hormones/moods) But what she said kinda upset me, to hear it from someone else. She said it sounds like I've had a chronic depression for years, and that my bad period was a 'double depression'.

Thing is, she said come back in 3 months if I feel worse, but thing is I just feel the same, and I dunno what to do. I'm just trying to tackle my life with positive things like swimming and music, etc, trying to force myself to take up interests I gave up a long long time ago. And forcing myself to go out with friends.

I guess I would like to know if anyone else has an experience similar to this?
Do you think I will be fighting this my whole life?
Do you think we have the ability to be happy one day?
Does anyone have a partner who is understanding and doesn't just think you're being a moody nuisance?
Do you have to be 'diagnosed' by a psych person as having 'chronic depression' for it to be a condition (maybe I am just a moody over-emotional person).
I feel like my ex is never gunna understand that I couldn't help the way I was, and I honestly don't know who will..

I really don't know where to go from here. If you can share any wisdom I would be very grateful. Thanks, Meg

offlineforever · 25-07-2013, 09:42 AM

Hi meg,

It sounds like you are struggling a lot with your mood. It is possible to be diagnosed by a doctor for having depression. Would going to the gp help? I understand you're concerns about talking therapies, I am exactly the same. However it can help you a lot. Would it be worth going back to the gp and discussing your options for support?

Hope some of this helps.

CstarL · 25-07-2013, 02:29 PM

This might help, my therapist taught me this, it is called a daily goal journal. Every day in a notebook of some sort and answer these questions: what are my goals for today, what are my goals for tomorrow, what are my short term goals and what are my future goals. This way you can refer to this journal every time you are feeling unproductive or depressed and it might help you get back on track. I like to start filling out tomorrow when ever something comes to mind today. This way I can remember my goals. Good Luck you just have to find what works for you and this may take a while.

crazykat · 27-07-2013, 04:52 PM

Hi Meg,
It seems like these problems with low mood are really having an effect on you. I know you saw a GP about your low mood years ago but do you think it is something that you would consider again? As I really do think some kind of support would be helpful for you. By going to the doctor you can talk to them about what different options there are available to provide support for you too. Yes it is possible for you to be happy again, I just think you might need some support to get there. All the best

ButterflyKisses · 28-07-2013, 10:30 PM

Thanks for the replies. I just dont know if I can face GPs again

yoyogirl · 28-07-2013, 10:36 PM

I hope things go well for you

S33menow · 30-07-2013, 07:13 AM

Quote:

I guess I would like to know if anyone else has an experience similar to this?

I guess, yes a little, I've struggled with depression too.

Quote:

Do you think I will be fighting this my whole life?
Do you think we have the ability to be happy one day?

No I don't think you will have to fight it your whole life. It is extremely possible to recover although it will take a lot of work. I know you can do group therapies where they teach you how to cope with day to day living instead of divulging deep into your thoughts? I've completed quite a few different groups, including art therapy and emotional skills. The emotional skills one was the best. One of the main things they encouraged us to do was to 'increase positive experiences' so just doing things that we enjoyed, setting ourselves small achievable goals, trying new things, taking time out for ourselves, learning to relax etc. This helps to allow us a chance to feel happy. Sometimes when you are really unhappy and/or depressed, you deny yourself that chance that you could have happy positive experiences therefore you don't have happy feelings and so the cycle continues..
It is something that you would have to discuss with your GP though :) can you take a friend with you? or a family member? or a worker?

Quote:

Does anyone have a partner who is understanding and doesn't just think you're being a moody nuisance?

I have a really understanding partner, she's been with me now for 2 years and 7 months even though I suffer from BPD and an eating disorder. She loves me for who I am even though I can be quite up and down really rapidly sometimes. However, I really must stress to you that 'finding an understanding partner', will not solve any of your issues at all. Being in a relationship is actually really hard work emotionally, you need to give as much as you take or it becomes unhealthy and unbalanced. Then it falls apart and you will repeatedly do this until you get it right. Sometimes over and over again with the same person, or even a selection of people. Also, you are extremely vunerable at the moment and could quite easily be taken advantage of. So be very careful!

Quote:

Do you have to be 'diagnosed' by a psych person as having 'chronic depression' for it to be a condition (maybe I am just a moody over-emotional person)

Nope! I have been treated for depression even though my diagnosis is different. In mental health services they dislike labelling or like it too much and give you tons... Depends on who you see. A lot of the time, you have to fight to get the right diagnosis. Not having a diagnosis shouldn't prevent you getting treatment for depression though as there are usually services for more 'minor' mental health illnesses. (the only reason I say minor is not to underplay how you feel but because things that are considered more major are serious personality disorders, certain types of schizophrenia and things that make people do very dangerous things such as major crimes)

Hope these were the kind of answers you were looking for :) take care x

ButterflyKisses · 05-08-2013, 11:15 PM

^^^ Thankyou so much for that reply, it was very useful indeed :)
I think I'm on the right track now with trying to "give myself the chance to be happy" as you say, because I am making myself do things I used to enjoy in the hopes that I find enjoyment out of them again, and it seems to be working, or at least its giving my daily existence a bit more self-worth. It's hard work because I lack energy, but I am trying.

As for finding an understanding partner.. it's really interesting to read what you say about an unbalanced relationship. And that makes a lot of sense. I am also trying to not go rushing into another relationship.

As for diagnosis, I think I'm only just coming to terms with the fact that even though I do not have a more serious mental health problem, it doesn't mean I don't deserve help, or understanding.

I guess I'm trying to be honest with myself now.

Thanks again :)

yoyogirl · 06-08-2013, 07:49 AM

It really depends on the risk