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Contains sexual abuse - So I haven't been here for a while...
...and I feel terrible for posting, but I don't know where else to go/who else to go to/what to do, so here it is.
Only a few of you will know this: I was raped repeatedly from age 13 - 16 by my best friend. I'm not over this but I have had some rape therapy so I am not quite as PTSD-esque as I was.
Then the week before my birthday I heard a knock on my door. I thought it was someone coming to read my gas meter;they told me they would be coming that week so I went down to open the door. It was the guy I mentioned above, and as you can imagine, it happened again. Like, I genuinely thought that part of my life was over. But yeah.
Then two weeks ago I went on a date that my father's friend had set up. We had a lovely evening, ended up in the pub and then we got an Indian and went back to his. Now don't get me wrong - I WAS drunk - but not in a terrible state, I was conscious and coherent and capable of saying no. We ate then I went to bed alone, nothing happened, and then I woke up and his hand was over my mouth and he was having sex with me. At first I thought it was a dream so I just tried to wake myself up, it took me a few minutes to realise it wasn't and by then he was pretty much done (excuse my crudeness). I said I wanted to go home and he asked me if he had freaked me out and if I thought he was weird. Like, what?!
Anyway, yeah. That isn't rape because like f*ck is that happening to me again. I haven't anywhere near dealt with what happened before, this would kill me.
I'm not really sure what I want to gain from posting this, but if you have gotten this far, thank you.
x
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