Can't do it anymore.

[alina]

Hey. It's been quite a while since i've posted on here. I actually haven't needed to si as much in the past year. But now, i am unraveling. About 3 months ago i was the happiest i've been in my life. I was finally starting a relationship with someone that i liked who liked me back. Of course, after 2 weeks, he changed his mind. He even brought up my scars, and said it was ok.

I kept it together for a couple months, barely. But now, there's a trip i have to go on for work, and while he isn't a coworker of mine, he will be going on the trip. I've recently been able to convince myself that it is his loss and he wasn't the one, i don't actually care what he thinks, etc etc. But, unfortunately, there are a lot of stressful things hitting me right now. Several too many.

I've been harming every night. I won't be able to hide it. I don't want the gossip. Because these people i'll be with won't ask me about it, or try helping. They'll just whisper about my insanity. And they aren't people who's opinion of me makes or breaks me. But no one likes to be gossiped about. Especially something like this.

So i guess, what i want from anyone out there is any sort of advice for what i can think about (or how i can act) while i'm trapped with these awful people for 4 days. I need a way to get to my "happy place". Any ideas? Thanks guys.

[Myimmortalgirl]

Can you not wear long sleeves and cover them up?

[Patent Pending]

Could you try getting some floaty long sleeved tops so even if it's hot it isn't too much to wear? Or maybe a tubi-grip/support type thing to put over where you've harmed? I've been using that while I'm at work when I've had short sleeves on.

I think it's important to keep in your mind that it IS his loss. You deserve someone who wants and loves you. You're worth more than a relationship with him. I don't know what kind of trip you're going on but can you take music along with you so you can disappear to your happy place by listening to songs you like/make you feel better?

I doubt it'll make you feel any better but he's probably feeling the same way about being on this trip.

x x x

[alina]

Thanks for your replies! They definitely make me feel less alone. I'll be performing on this trip, so long sleeves won't be an option the whole time. I am packing the ipod and kindle so hopefully i can focus on those. And i don't feel bad that i do hope he feels as bad as i do. Actually, i hope he feels worse. But i know that that's impossible.

[FranticMind]

if you cant wear long sleeves there are always sweatbands/bracelets and temperorary tattoos you can try.

[PassedExpectations]

what can you do instead of harming? i know that harming is the "easiest" thing to go to, and can work best in the short run, but there are other much more positive ways to handle stress... if you're struggling to think of what else you can do, perhaps think about ways that other people deal with stress and emotions.

are you planning on bringing your tools on the trip? i'd try not to, especially if you have to go through the airport... at least if you go and your cuts are healing people will probably gossip less than if they are seeing new ones each day

and how long were you actually dating this guy for? do you feel this crushed when any relationship ends?... it sounded like you meant you'd only dated him for two weeks, and while rejection after even a short time is painful, relationships ending quickly is pretty common. very few dating relationships turn into long term ones, and if this one wasn't going to work for him (cause remember, there is at least a 50% chance that he ended it because of something going on with him, not because of something you did or something bad about you), its probably better that you found out sooner rather than later