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Old 13-07-2013, 10:41 PM   #1
Wolfir
 
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Reviews Requested- Contains upsetting material - My blond hero

This is a piece I wrote personally two or three years ago now. It's a real life based piece as is most of my work. I have alot more if people are interested not that I'm expecting it of course. Well I hope you enjoy it

A shadow on the wall,
A door creeking.
Things I remember from my childhood.

A sign of weakness shows on my arm. Your mark.

The blond was kind, he made love; from hatred. He cared to my wounds the others made. He wept when the others laughed.

Alone, bedbound, afraid.
You came to talk to me. You were kind. You loved nice.
A hurt I can't remove binds me, they're not yet found. I didn't tell about my blond savour, the one who kept me sane from my days of darkness.

The things I'll never tell, never forget; never forgive.

My chest ripped open. My pain for the whole world to see.

A face of discust you made as I made one of pain. You were gentle. Soft but hard. I began to feel for you; I don't know if you felt the same.

I miss you, months after the end. I'm still afraid, cold, cut; dead.
I'm a house lived in and left, never to be whole again.

Good bye blond hero.


Last edited by Wolfir : 14-07-2013 at 09:48 AM. Reason: Wanted to change/get rid of last line


One day I will find my hero and I will be saved from my life

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Old 14-07-2013, 09:22 AM   #2
Buttons.
Never knowing...a helping hand or hell to pay?
 
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I actually thought this was well written, makes good use of literary devices and really gets the emotion across :) The only thing I didn't like was the use of the shall always love thee at the end, the rest of the text was quite unique and unpretentious whereas that line felt a bit forced to me.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 14-07-2013, 09:41 AM   #3
Wolfir
 
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Last line

Thank you il make sure to change that line



One day I will find my hero and I will be saved from my life

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