I'm facing many difficult feelings. I'm working on this, and things are getting along steadily. I feel so low, so low, tearful all the time, like I'm constantly on the verge of full on crying, but that doesn't happen. Yet.
I see my GP on Friday, a week today. This is to facilitate the referral for a mental health assessment, including for ED, as recommended by Occupational Health. Who was somewhat bemused [as also were people in the ED support group] that my ED has fallen under the medical radar for so long.
The thing is I'm making progress ED wise. So I feel kind of a fraud? What if she just dismisses me and doesn't take account of the concern?
I do need a proper uptodate comprehensive diagnosis though, I recognise that. And I need proper medical supervision and support with my diet. I know I have the option to change GP, also. Though practices are few and far between here, strangely for being right near a major London hospital!
I'm really anxious and scared, about so many things.
So I'm just, reaching out. In case anyone understands.
Thank you.
Everything's all quite hard at the moment. I had physical symptoms today again. And the feelings I'm facing are quite overwhelming.
I'll get through. I'll have to.
Though I'd really rather not be me a lot of the time.
If you need to cry Katie let yourself, it's okay to cry.
I do hope you get the help you very much need. To be honest lots of people with ED's fall under the medical radar for a long time, so to me that is really not surprising.
The fact that you are already trying to recover is a good sign, I think it with be a plus for them when considering your referral. They want to work with people who are committed to recovery and who are already making small steps to try and change.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
Thanks Ames.
I did a bit, earlier. Everything feels [and in some cases is, like work] so insecure. And I feel so very empty. Physically and emotionally.
'All' I need is a proper diagnosis, proper assessment of my physical health and and action plan, and a dietician. And maybe different medication. That's not a huge thing, is it? Even if they can tell my GP what to do that would help...
It's all just, so frightening, so anxiety provoking.
And even now I keep swinging into total denial there's anything up, because things fluctuate so much.
I don't know what the OH doc wrote to my GP [aside from the copy of the report for work], so I'm metaphorically chewing my nails. He was very much on my side, 'in my corner'. It's just how my GP will take that.
It's very soon, Friday. I'm just really scared. I don't know what will happen.
Also I've gained a bit of weight, but it's hard to tell as my period is due, what is solid base weight and what is the PMS *thing*. It's the same as last month, essentially, so really there's actually very little change. I'm worried she won't listen when I tell her that I always gain x weight the week before my period, then lose it again once my period is through. But she specialises in women's health, so one would hope she'd have that sussed. My therapist has also written to my GP. So I have so much back up. I just have to go in there on my own and face her and hopefully come out with some kind of referral actioned, mostly for medical ED and long term food/diet [as in what one eats, not a diet diet!] management/monitoring.
I need to practice - here and in therapy - before then what to say to my GP and how to say it assertively and honestly. Does anyone have any advice? I also need to try and avert from expressing any resentment and anger for her not really listening or seeing how I really am at my last appointment.
I'm feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and the weather isn't helping as I don't tolerate heat well at all, physically or emotionally.
