Conflicted

Tandance · 10-07-2013, 12:32 AM

So I went to P!nk on Sunday!! It was incredible :) anyway she signed my arm and I'm getting it tattooed at 2pm today... Her music has helped me a great deal over the last 13 years and without it would probably not be here today. So the fact that she made eye contact with me was enough but being signed!! Wow!! Got signed while she was singing F****n Perfect....I have a tattoo design I want to get with lyrics from that song as a reminder when I'm struggling....anyway.... The thing is, I'm so excited about getting the tattoo, but also completely petrified that its going to be really triggering because, to be blunt, it feels the same as cutting just with vibration. It's going to be over some old scars so that's kind of therapeutic in a way...just worried with already being on the edge of a relapse that a special and positive experience will be crushed with my stupidity and inability to control myself in the moment. Has anyone else had things like this that are really conflicting and how did you deal with it?

Tandance · 10-07-2013, 03:32 AM

my appointment has been changed to 4:30 this afternoon so now I have more time to over think it!! The longer I wait the more doubt I have. Not feeling as excited as I was when it all happened. Hate having negative thoughts and feelings always creeping in to what should be a really good experience

Wonderland. · 10-07-2013, 03:39 AM

Could you you take a friend a long with you or meet up with someone after so that you are not alone if you get triggered?

I really hope getting the tattoo is a positive experience for you (:

Tandance · 10-07-2013, 03:44 AM

I will have my husband and brother with me so I'm not going to be physically alone. But I can't tell them what's going through my head because my brother doesn't know about my struggle with depression/anxiety/SI and my hubby is a couple of days away from a big event that I'm not going to ruin by me having an internal battle that he really can't help with anyway. I've told one of my friends what I'm thinking but she lives 3 hours away and all she said was she wishes she could say something to help but doesn't know how to help.

Wonderland. · 10-07-2013, 03:57 AM

I am glad that you are not physically going to be alone, that is great.

Do you have any involvement with MH services?

I'm sure that your husband would rather than you come and talk to him before you act on any urges to SH. Just as I imagine you would if it was the other way around.