confused

[in a bad way]

Hi everyone

I don't know how to explain this but i'm not well. It's like I live in different realities and don't know how to sort that in my head. I'm frightened of the realities and frightened of my own thoughts. I don't trust any one and am severely paranoid.

The worst thing is, some things are quite possibly true which mixes up my reality even more.

I just don't know what to do any more

[anabelleagain]

Hi there. I'm glad you posted. Do you have a therapist? If not, can you get one? I think seeing someone would really help you. It seems like you are able to recognize there's a problem, and that's half the battle, truly. Keep us updated. *hug*

[in a bad way]

Hi

Thank you for answering x

I never really told any one. It was a nice delusion at one point,I found beauty in everything and was filled with love.If I felt anything bad creeping in, I had time to connect with my angel I could wash away the bad, the more connection with my angel, the more magical I felt.

The problem was a second reality had grown over time, started as occasional paranoia, this one I had started to believe more, the more I felt it was true, the more erratic my behaviour became as I was more obsessed with it than I was worried that I was losing the good me.
I did tell my family about this and they said it wasn't true.

But this reality was true! I couldn't cope with the horror of it and so locked myself away. Mostly I can see no recovery from this and know it would be easier to kill myself. I told MHS about this but they said if it is true, they can't help.

I'm going back to GP today.

The other reality is more about good and evil I have tried to ignore as when things turned bad so did that reality. But it's never left me and I'm so lost in the other reality that I can't get back what I felt and the bad eats away at me.

With no love it will carry on, I have had love since and the feeling came back but then I fall into the reality which id true and start to lose it. When I question my purity, I feel I fail when i'm left alone. I worry if i'm left with nothing, the need for more will help the bad will creep back and i'll burn forever in my hell.

I need to be saved.

I'm sorry i've gone on but does anyone understand me??

[in a bad way]

Hi

Thanks for replying

I don't think that this is the fantasy world. I think when I pretend it's not happening and act like i'm fine and don't have this in my head, is living in a fantasy. I create a fantasy persona to cover the thoughts and feelings because, the truth is, I shut down, disconnect with myself, there is a delay in understanding, my fantasy persona takes over to fill this gap and stop me from looking like I'm confused or there is something wrong. And later I connect with what happened or what was being said. Then is when the real me surfaces and so does the real understanding and beliefs.

I want it to all be gone. But haven't managed in the world where I block out it's existence. When I'm in one reality, I wish for the other and vice-versa

Will facing it mean I'm able to clear it out and just be?? I feel it will just cause more problems.

Does someone have a positive with their experience??

[in a bad way]

Hi

Thanks for replying

I don't think that this is the fantasy world. I think when I pretend it's not happening and act like i'm fine and don't have this in my head, is living in a fantasy. I create a fantasy persona to cover the thoughts and feelings because, the truth is, I shut down, disconnect with myself, there is a delay in understanding, my fantasy persona takes over to fill this gap and stop me from looking like I'm confused or there is something wrong. And later I connect with what happened or what was being said. Then is when the real me surfaces and so does the real understanding and beliefs.

I want it to all be gone. But haven't managed in the world where I block out it's existence. When I'm in one reality, I wish for the other and vice-versa

Will facing it mean I'm able to clear it out and just be?? I feel it will just cause more problems.

Does someone have a positive with their experience??

[in a bad way]

Hi

I'm really sorry if these posts seemed arrogant, ungrateful and uncaring towards others problems. I really appreciate someone caring enough to post and give opinions or even hugs. I'm blown away by this place.

It was as much about me simply saying this stuff to someone, as other than the episodes and things I can't deny, I pretend it doesn't happen or i'm in control of it.

Being able to be honest with all of you, prepared me to be honest with my doctor. I struggled and think I just humiliated myself but he recognised MH issues and sent me back to MHS.

Thank you for this forum. And amazing humans
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