So desperately depressed, I took MDMA yesterday *triggeringillicit drug use*
I've been so depressed recently & feeling very suicidal, I couldn't seem to shift it. When a friend I hadn't seen for a long while turned up at my place with the offer of a share of MDMA I took the opportunity, I've felt great since then, but worried that it's only gonna be a very short term fix, I'm loving heeling happy just for a few days, but I don't want the feeling to end :(
No medication has ever come close to making me feel as happy and confident as MDMA, and actually after a while antidepressants actually start making me feel worse, I know MDMA isn't a good idea to do in the long term, but it's so scary just thinking about my happiness dieing that it makes me feel like I don't want to stop.
But at least for now I'm happy & calmer than I've been in a long while :)
Hi there. I'm not sure if you know much about MDMA and how it works, but it does have an effect on seretonin (the happy chemical) and dopamine, so it does affect mood, but long term it can have serious affects and some people think it might even worsen depression. Short-term, you're only going to have the up and down of moods, and MDMA isn't a solution.
Have you thought about seeing your doctor to get help with dealing with your mood? It sounds like you've tried them before and not found them helpful, but there's lots of things out there.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
Hi yes anything prescribed doesn't seem to help, the nearest I've come that help my mood in any way that can be prescribed is Ephedrine, and doctors are very reluctant to prescribe it, or any other thing that helps stabilise my mood, they won't prescribe me almost anything because of my history, but an awful lot has changed since then, yes I am very aware of the affects of MDMA, both short & long term, hence not wanting the effects of it from short term to end, but knowing it can't be a long term solution, I've never suffered with a come down from MDMA, it only every dwindles off very slowly over the course of 3-4 days, then I just feel tired for a few days after, as yet I've never had any adverse affects from MDMA, I've tried drinking lots of Coffee, Coca Cola & eating Dark Chocolate but caffeine doesn't have the desired effect on my mood, it just makes me more agitated & very tired, I wouldn't know where to begin with what to suggest to the GP as all he sees is what he calls an ex-drug addict, but MDMA once every 2-3 years keeps me stable & happy for several months despite my hormone problems that are the main cause of my mood instability.
I would never advocate the use of illegal drugs as a solution. Although Freud prescribed his depressed patients cocaine, I'm certain long term this didn't help!
Everyone likes to go out and cut loose once in a while. some people drink some take drugs (arguably both drugs, just one's legal) Can I ask though does your MH condition mean that taking MDMA could be dangerous, other than in the normal way?? Also does it have any contra-indications with the meds you are on?
Other than that everything is a balance that comes down to that individual. " I go and get really drunk with my friends because it makes me feel good for a week or two" Everyone draws their own lines and makes their own decisions as to what they need to make them happy, weighed against the consequences. What are your consequences is the question here?? And do you understand the drug you are taking?? Illegal drugs have no respect for your body so if you do take them you have to make sure you look after yourseif e.g hydration, not mixing with alcohol, getting food, vitamins from fruit juices, safe environments and people etc etc
I hope that you just find a better path to take. But as I sense that perhaps you may find yourself in this position again, I hope you investigate the things i've mentioned. But please don't get yourself in too much of a state about it all. MDMA can change thought patterns negitively if you feel negitively about it when you take it. I would hate for it to go badly for you because of this and you to end up worse off.
I hope this has helped
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Last edited by in a bad way : 07-07-2013 at 02:17 AM.
Currently it has no advese affects, it doesn't affect meds, as I'm currently only taking Promazine for my anxiety as & when required, nor does it affect my MH condition depression, stress & anxiety in any way other than to a positive effect of aleviatung my anxiety, without making me drowsy, like the Promazine, I've been happy ever since & not got another depressive episode yet, so it seems to have helped balance me, all I need to do now is find something to stabilise my mood in the long term before I do get another depressive episode :)
Well then I don't think it's my place to judge what you take to to alleviate the pain of anxiety. If you liked a drink (everything in moderation obviously) no one would have anything to say about that.
Please be careful and make sure you take proper care of yourself if you do take it.
Yes it helped lots, all I have to do next is talk to both my GP, and then the Psych, but now I'm feeling calmer and not so crazy & irrational maybe I'll get a better outcome from them with a view to stabilising my mood, maybe I should write down what I need to discuss before I see them.
I'm so much calmer & clearer about things without both the hormonal & zombified state I've been in because of the meds they had me taking, it's made such a difference to feel that I'm not completely crazy at all :)
I've taken a turn for the worse, when I couldn't get any more MDMA, and having no meds to control my mood, I hit the drink with a catastrophic effect, now I'm so nervous & shaky, I think I've poisoned myself with the alcohol, I have managed to get an appointment with the psych on Thursday, but am thinking the only safe way forward is to go into hospital, I am going to discuss it with the psych when I see them. I have a GP appointment on Monday morning, I intend on informing him of my intentions & see what he thinks, but I think he'll agree that I need to get my mood stabilised & if I can't do that safely without hospital intervention then I think he'll agree, I'd rather go voluntarily than be forced to go, as much as I'm nervous as hell I think it might be for the best, for my own safety, I feel so nauseous at the moment, & the shaking & sweating are driving me mad, I've binged so much it's made my heart rate erratic, everything just feels really scary at the minute, but I'm trying to stay as rational as possible, & keep myself as safe as I can until Thursday.
Feeling a touch better tonight, trying to keep myself as distracted as possible, dreading seeing my GP tomorrow, just trying not to think about anything too much, the warm weather isn't helping, as it's adding to the nauseous feeling, but am just trying to stay as positive as I can :)
I think I'll say my mood is really unstable, and I need a mood stabiliser, and if he won't give me one then I'll ask the psychiatrist on thursday, he can't ignore the psychiatrist, especially when I'm prepared to go to hospital because of my mood being so unstable, if he does agree to give me one I'm gonna suggest he discusses it with the psychiatrist with a view to getting me a hospital bed anyway until I adjust to it, as I can have a bad reaction to some meds, and it'd be safer to try introducing it in a safe environment :)
Just had a phone call from the GP surgery, my appointment has been cancelled because the doctor's not there, so after all that, I just hit a brick wall, they asked if I can go in thursday? I said not I have to see the Psychiatrist on Thursday, then they asked Friday, my busiest day, I said no, I go for acupuncture on Friday, next available appointment that suits me is Wednesday 24th of July
Ah well guess I'll just have to ask the psychiatrist without the GP's input, he's not gonna like it, but it's not my fault I can't see him until way after my psychiatrist appointment.
Think I'm gonna go to Mind today , seeing as I already got up & was actually about to go catch a bus to my GP surgery, I'm not staying in the house, I'll only get agitated & want to SI if I do
Everything always goes wrong when I'm going through a bad patch, it's almost like I'm cursed
I'm ok, I had an ok day on monday with friends from Mind, I slept most of the day on tuesday, today I'm going to meet an old friend who I haven't seen in several years, so really looking forward to coffee, a good catch up etc
I just feel really let down by my GP at the moment, I just hope the psychiatrist is prepared to sort out my medication, and that my GP does in future listen to the psychiatrists recommendations.
I think I probably can manage without taking up a hospital bed, on the understanding that if any new medication I do try has a bad reaction I can just turn up at the CMHT for immediate help with the aggressive outbursts that I have experienced, I really scare myself when I get real aggressive outbursts.
Anyway I have since had my friend offer me more of the MDMA but I was strong enough to turn down the offer, I want a long term fix, not a short term fix
In many ways that post was positive , which was really nice to read. I'm glad you refrained from the illegal drugs, a long term solution is really the better way to go.
Maybe talk to the GP about your appointment as i'm sure if you do they will try and accommodate better next time
, seeing as I already got up & was actually about to go catch a bus to my GP surgery, I'm not staying in the house, I'll only get agitated & want to SI if I do 
