Old pains

daisy* · 29-06-2013, 05:24 AM

Hey everyone..
It's been years since I ever seriously hurt myself & many months since I ever hurt myself at all. Recently my cat freaked out at me and attacked my arm. It was not my arm with scars..which kinda made me mad, that's my 'good' or 'clean' arm! But after I got over that I felt the pain on my arm and omg was it ever a familiar pain! I work in a daycare + everytime I picked up a child I felt the pain on my arm.

Feeling this pain has really made me want to go back to my old ways! Feeling the pain + having an excuse to what the marks are from just gives me more reason to do it. My boyfriend, fiance, common-law husband, the love of my life is away for work...which is why my cat attack me in the first place, usually 'daddy' plays rough with kitty, not me.
I guess I'm just writing to you all for support...I know I can't hurt myself, I know it will make everything worse, I know it will hurt my boyfriend + it will end up being worse for me in the end. I know all these things but it's still so hard to get past these thoughts and urges.

crizz · 02-07-2013, 08:57 AM

I think you've done amazingly to be free of it and to keep it up. You are right that it will make thing worse. I am in that worse situation at the moment. Hubby is away at work until Thurs, we have 2 cats, I slipped up after over a year, its rubbish!

Stay the strong person you are and keep resisting. It is hard and it is tiring but it is a battle worth winning.

Hope the urges subside for you soon x

anabelleagain · 02-07-2013, 08:33 PM

Congratulations on resisting and your recovery. Don't lose sight of that accomplishment.

The urges do subside, right? I feel like if you've had recovery you have probably experienced the calm after the storm of urges.

I can tell you're frustrated by the cat's marks. That would be very frustrating for me. Every time something happens that's like what I used to do to SH (a cut or burn) it's one of the worst triggers ever. At least you can recognize that and you're still staying strong. You are obviously in control, good for you.

I'm glad you came for support. You're doing the right thing by resisting and posting and seeking support and comfort. Hopefully you're doing better and the urge continues to disappear as your cat's marks fade.

*hug*