Contains Suicide - Friend killed himself

[Avalon]

I don't come here very often anymore as my needs and desires to cut aren't common anymore.
Last Tuesday a friend of mine shot and killed himself. I am 99% certain he was under the influence of alcohol at the time and would never have done this if he had been sober. He has left behind a lot of friends, a mother, a sister and a GF who loved him very much.
He had texted me in the middle of the night last year threatening to do the same thing and I believe I talked him out of it...or at least made him think twice.
It has taken me a week to finally cry about it and now I am feeling those old feelings resurface - the need to take that emotion some place other than inside. I feel guilt because I understood why someone has the feeling to end it all but couldn't stop it this time. I want to explain to his family and friends why someone feels like that but feel that no one really wants to know what drives someone to that point.
I know that self-harm is an addiction that never truly goes away and it is rearing its ugly head now with this intense emotion roller-coaster.
His funeral is tomorrow and I don't feel as though I can get through it, while supporting my friends (his family) without the effects of a razor blade.
This is venting and a need for support and I don't know where else to turn.

[Avalon]

I'm shaking like a leaf in the spring canopy and I gave in to temptation after so long. God forgive me.

[Snow White.]

I'm so so sorry for the loss of your friend in such tragic circumstances. My heart goesv out to you and ask those affected.

I understand what you mean about wanting to get the feelings out, especially with grief as it is such s difficult emotion. Even if you've slipped up it's not too late for you to get through the rest of this safely. Would writing your feelings out help? That way you can still see your feelings and also the thoughts won't have to swirl around your head cause they'll be stored somewhere.

I wish you allb the best and hope tomorrow cann go as good as these things can. Remember while it is nice to be there for others, don't forget you deserve support too.

x

[pea soup]

I am so very sorry. I hope you got through the funeral the best you could if you went.

Suicide is so difficult. Family and friends are left very confused and hurt. I had an aunt and uncle who both shot themselves. It was difficult but we got through it. I have been down that horrible road also. I never want to be there again.

Please don't feel guilty about faltering. You are under immense stress right now and you went back to the coping mechanism you know best. It isn't shameful. It's just what we do sometimes. But it was just a one time thing and even if it wasn't you still have nothing to feel guilty about. Please know that.

I'm just so sorry about your friend. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Much love.
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[nowhereman]

I'm so sorry about your friend too. But it is NOT your fault, you didn't know they were feeling this way or planning this, when you did know you did your best to help him through it, so you can know that you are a good friend.

I can imagine this has brought up many feelings for you, as well as grief and loss, maybe a wanting to end your own life too? I hope I am wrong but I think it is only natural if I am right but it doesn't mean you can't get through it.

I hope you get through the funeral ok, you sound very caring when you say you will be there for his family, and I am sure they will appreciate that.

Sorry I don't know what else to say, don't forget to take care of yourself xx

[in a bad way]

Hi

I'm really sorry that happened. How are you coping?
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