Contains Abuse - Facing history *trig*

[Ash*]

I don't really know how to deal with this situation.

I've spoken about this very briefly with a few people on here a few years ago and one person I was in a relationship with at university and that's it. None of my friends now know, and my girlfriend of 5 years does 't have any idea. I don't have anyone to speak to.

When I was in high school I was in a relationship from when I was 13 till I was 18. During this time I suffered pretty much daily abuse. Verbal, psysical, sexual. I had my nose broken, 3 fingers, possibly a couple of toes, concussion. You probably get the idea.

I started to hurt myself, drinking, drugs. I failed my A levels. I tried to kill myself.

From 18-21 it wasn't so bad in comparison. He left the town we lived in so I only really saw him on nights out in summer and I was always so wasted I didn't really care and the abuse stopped being so physical. It was more the other two and always, always about the co from be had over me.

When I was in uni, after one night where he just appeared he got a bit too aggressive in front of some of my friends and after some stuff he got up, left and that was it. I never heard from him again.

Now. I've never dealt with what he did. Not one bit of it. I do 'g believe it was 't my fault, because it went on for so long. So so long. People knew. His friends knew. Noone tried to stop it. I didn't either. But I've got on with it. What happened happened and I can't change itX talking to people won't change it. And frankly? I don't want to talk about it. Not a day goes by that I don't think about it anyway .

This morning I got up to a Facebook notification that he's added me as a friend. He's married.

He added me as a friend on Facebook.

I went through all his photos, because, glutton for punishment.

I just. I feel like he's trying to find me again. Like he's breathing down my neck and he's never going to go away.

I feel sick.

I feel so so sick

[Mrs Sam]

I know you said talking about it won't help but it seems like not talking about it isn't doing you much good either. Firstly block him on Facebook. You don't need someone like that cluttering your mind constantly via there. I would really recommend you talk to your partner even if your not ready to talk to a professional. Even having a sounding board would be good for you.

Xxx

[Freak3142]

I do agree about blocking him. People like that need control and you need to take back control. You have control of your life because you have a partner and you are coming for help instead of self destructing when he comes back into your life.
If you can't talk to your partner or talk to a professional then keep writing here till you feel comfortable talking to your partner. They deserve to know so they can help you through it.
The fact his friends knew and other people knew makes it worse and you have to know it wasn't your fault and every person who ignored it takes a little of his guilt. You are strong because you carried on with life and lived it. Remember that.

[Ash*]

Yeah, I've not accepted him as a friend anyway, and he can't see much of my profile beyond my profile picture, which isn't even of my face. So that's fine.

Telling my partner is a huge no no, she'd go mad that I've not told her before now, then go mad that it happened and I don't really think anyone else has the right to be angry apart from me.

You're probably right about talking about things here. It's cathartic to write things down, so we'll see.

Thank you both. I wasn't really with it last night so sorry for not making much sense. Thanks for taking the time and replying.

[Freak3142]

your welcome and you made enough sense to be able to understand what you were talking about hun.
As for no one having the right to be angry but you I think you should think about that everyone should be angry including you. It shouldn't happen to anyone. But I also think until you have dealt with the pain you might not be able to cope with your partner's reaction.
I am sure what you can do is tell your partner you need a hug and just hold her tight, it's amazing what a hug can do when you just relax and just let someone hug you.
xx

[Queen Crabbit]

Ashface, I know we haven't spoken in ages, but feel free to give me a poke any time. You're a beautiful person and you deserve to get whatever you need in terms of closure and moving on with your life. I am seriously sleep deprived and have an early shift on placement in the morning so must go to bed but couldn't see this and not let you know that I'm thinking of you and that I care about you xxx

[Ash*]

Thanks Chelsea =]

Hope everything's going well for you, I Facebook stalk. You look so busy!! X

[risenfromperdition]

hey ash, sorry to see you back here, but hope it helps. im not really on anymore but saw you posted. take care x