it's hard to find the words....(updated)

[havealittlefaith]

hey guys....

it's hard to find the words....to explain all this and how I feel...I miss my home so much I miss my family I miss been in control.... All these plans I had came crashing down .... They tell me all these things I have up do and just when it's starting to make sense .... Time to move again and start again worst part is been further away from home and near to were I don't want to be .... Sure what's another 6weeks-3months when it's all we have know since he was born... And they told me here if I give the right impressions....say the right things that they wouldn't be able to keep us for to long as we are closer to going home....but it's just so hard and the royal courts of justice are appaz more likely to want to hold the court case as it intefires with the family case by ss.... Don't get me wrong i love our son to pieces....but I miss my family and that we can't be together and that they keep tellig me I need to have less contact with my chickpea....all I ever wanted was things to work out.... Sure I have a flat that I can hope to go to in time and this gorgeous boy but I miss my chickpea and her family .... My own are only playing along and I don't love them .... I love her and her family .... I'm so ****in miserable its unreal and they say I can't hurt myself or anything like that as ill lose him and I can't talk about so got to he fake.... And sure I can still work With my mh worker and the fnp nurse but ill end up seeing my mh worker even less and no matter what ill have to travel... I will know by today whether or not baby's sw thinks the foster parents are good and if so ill have to meet them tomoro and will be moving Monday if not who knows .... There's only so much a person can take and I just keep getting the crap thrown at me ....

The following content has been hidden - Reason : sensitive

truth I feel beyond broken I'm having so many terrors I cry myself to sleep most nights I do get so tempted to hurt myself as what's a few scratches I guess that's why I use my eating (I'm sorry I don't tell you) as it's another way of control .. Now I worry how I will be the best and function in a new place with people watching me..

right now I'm in a flat with staff that come in through the day and to go to someone house with there family it's not my own space I'm an adult I have my own ways to do things I find family settings so so hard ... I guess we see what they say..

The following content has been hidden - Reason : personal

babes if you read this I do love you so much but today Margerita said that we have to have less contact but she did say it was nice you sent me a card along with all the other things above I want you to know I'm not giving up on fighting ill get strong again remember <3

I'm sorry this was so long and if it doesn't make much sense ..
I'm not sure what I expect I guess I just need something ....

If you took the time to read all this I appreciate that

Thank you in advance guys

BB x

UPDATE got limited info but the staff
In the centre just said that baby's SW has rang and the
People are okay but I got to meet them on Saturday with my
Key worker from here .... ****ing dreading all this..
If you want to push me too far keep going .... Could cry ..

[recovery_is_possible_]

Hey.. I don't have any words expect what I have told you all along!! It will be alright in the end sweetheart. Just remember why you are doing it. Your doing it so you can be happy with Bailey. <3

Keep your head held high. Also smile xx

[havealittlefaith]

Trying so hard ..... But who knows .... So much unknown ...

[Warrior_x]

Chrissy. You are an amazing person and an amazing mummy.

If you need me you have my number okay?

xx

[Wonderland.]

I'm pretty low on words right now but wanted to offer you some hugs.

[havealittlefaith]

So my life is so far from perfect I have a wonderful son who I wouldn't change for the world but the rest is screwed up and I know it's so twisted I miss my old life too