mom not ok with me being gay

zivalover16 · 02-06-2013, 12:03 AM

I came out to my mom years ago and she pretended to be all fine with it a supportive. I recently got an amazing girlfriend and we took pictures together including one of us kissing... She posted them on facebook and tagged me in them and my mom turned around and told me I had to becareful of what goes on facebook because I'm job hunting then went and told my girlfriend to take them off..... They way she said it made me realize she's actually not of with me being gay and it hurts alot... I don't even know how to handle it.

Trucktastic · 03-06-2013, 11:56 PM

Seems like she was okay until it was in front of her. She might have been able to deal with it when it was just something she could shrug off, but now it's in her face, on Facebook where other people she knows can see it, she's concerned. Maybe even embarrassed?

I'd ask her what exactly was her problem about it.

Also - you may want to think positive - there are a lot of states in the US where you can be fired from a job because of your sexual orientation (which is just awful in my opinion). She may only be concerned about that. Some employers do check Facebook and other social networking sites when people apply for jobs, and for their current staff as well - where I work they do but not for sexual orientation. She may only be trying to protect you on that front.

I think the best thing to do at present is to ask her why she asked her to take them off. Try not to be confrontational (it's easy for me to say, I know), just ask her before you get too upset about it. She may only be worried for your future job prospects, not anything else.

If she is not happy about you being gay, then that is something different - that is her problem and she is totally wrong in doing that. You are her child, she probably has ... had a whole lifetime for you planned out, marriage to the perfect guy, kids, grandkids that she could spoil rotten etc. Most parents do, has to be said. She's just going to have to get used to the idea that the spouse she sees for you isn't going to be Brad Pitt, but Angelina Jolie.

Loz x

Wonderland. · 04-06-2013, 01:01 AM

That's difficult.

Your mum might be concerned that possible empolyers won't take you on because you are gay.

I would try speaking to hear about it, so you know how she feels about it and her reasons behind not wantng people to see the pics.

zivalover16 · 04-06-2013, 07:28 PM

we tried talking about it but it was hard and in the end she just said it was really none of her business... I've always felt she wasn't 100% ok with it and I should have known not to expect that but something about her reaction bothered me.

Mandimoo · 07-06-2013, 02:10 AM

Pea soup (rach) and i set up this fb group for people who feel disowned by friends and/or family for being LGBT. If you'd like to join it's a secret group, you can share you story there x www.facebook.com/groups/disownedLGBT

Tautology · 23-07-2013, 06:44 AM

I don't know you or your mother but from what you've posted I think you're misinterpreting what your mother said.

It's not unheard of, and can be common, for employers to check the facebook account for people they are thinking of hiring. They do it with the rational that it gives them a better idea of what kind of person the candidate is. Typically they are looking for someone who is posting a lot of unsavory things (such as lots of racism) or posting pictures of them drinking/using drugs.

What I think your mom is worried about is that a bigoted employer might see that you are gay and not hire you because of that.

And I know right now you're probably thinking "I wouldn't want to work in a place like that." But the truth is that it might not be your boss or even a coworker making that decision. It could be some HR drone that's told "check out this profile and let me know if you think we should hire them."