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Contains illicit drugs - heroin.
anyone else with a heroin/opiate problem?
I have been abusing opiates for years but everything spiraled two years ago when I tried heroin for the first time, intravenously. I'm physically dependend on opiates but don't always buy heroin. A lot of the time I get by with pills etc.
But I've reached a point where my body is ruined, my relationship is really suffering, my job isn't going to last if I keep this up. It's made more complicated cos I work full time in a pharmacy as a dispenser (not pharmacist...) but I love my job. They don't know about my drug problem, i would get saxked, but my doctor does, and my doctors surgery is attached to the pharmacy I work in. Awkward much. Way too close to home....
I just want to hear from people who know what heroin is like. It has such a hold over me that II don't give a crap about anything else if heroin is involved. I am a different, horrible person.
Thing is I think I literally started using drugs as an "escape" from my moods. You see my first escape as a 13 year old was cutting myself, which then moved onto an eating disorder and controlling food. When I had my horse he was pretty much an addiction in himself, and riding and looking after him I didn't have time to be self destructive. He was a distraction.
Then two years ago I moved 350 miles away to be with my boyfriend, leaving my family and horse behind, I started taking drugs badly.
I'm sure I have bpd. My mother has bpd. I recently saw a psychiatrist who assessed me and wouldn't diagnose me cos I "wasn't difficult enough" and I blame myself for everything, not anyone else. But I don't think that matters and I think he has read me wrong. He did say he would reassess if or when I am off heroin.
Big sigh.
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