Why do we self harm in obvious places? *trigger warning*
I'm confused mainly with myself I know not all people self harm in obvious places but for me I do and after a severe self harm episode that led to me regressing 3 years and I self harmed in a place that would be obvious if I wore dresses or short skirts and it'd be pretty darn obvious what it is.. So. Not only are my arms now covered my leg is too and I really don't know why I did it where I did it and I didn't go to much effort to reduce scarring.. I'm really sorry for being blunt but I was just wondering why? I don't want to trigger anyone.. But I just don't know why I did it where I did it.. I know in the past I wanted people to see I'm a bad person make them stay away from me but I don't see how that applies to this time I'm deeply ashamed of myself that I regressed so badly I'm really confused of why I allowed myself to go out of control I hope I don't upset anyone with this thread. Please let me know and I'll delete it.
“There is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night.”
It could possibly be because when we are thinking of harming we're not really thinking about which place is best to do it for it to be hidden, the hiding/covering up part comes later.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
Hey I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad about this.
I mean my take on it is that when we SH we usually aren't thinking very clearly or rationally or thinking about the future. All we want to do is SH, so it can mean that sometimes we do it in places that we will regret after and in general we regret it afterwards too.
Its hard to look forward when we arent thinking about anything but SH at the time.
I also know that when i started i did it in a more obvious place but because i didnt think about the consequences and the scarring and didnt realise stupidly that the scars wouldnt go.
As for the scars im not so sure what i can say. But i relate to what you are saying and how you feel about them so i want you to know that you are not alone.
You are not bad and hopefully one day you will be able to accept these scars and yourself and not feel ashamed.
*hugs*
♥ .I'm going to fall like I don't need saving. ♥
...My smile's just the armour I built when I was alone...
There was some part of me that hurt so badly, that I wouldn't ever be able to forget it.
It faded but the memories could bring it back any second, keeping me in the moment.
It would never fully heal. I could never really be free. I could never really be fixed. Now I just have to work out how to live whilst being broken.
I feel like I'm dying.
Thank you for the replies I see what you're all saying its really helpful.. I did it because I'm feeling in the past so reacted like I was in the past? I was angry and ashamed with myself so did it and didn't think of much else other than it but my mums telling me it was a conscious decision and it really didn't feel that way. I'm still shocked at my scars but don't think about them when I'm cutting I just do it and have to live with the consequences I also hope one day I'll accept my scars to but how do I do that if the people who love me most don't? I hope one day I can thank you for the hugs *hugs back* your replies make a lot of sense and have berm very helpful they mean a lot, I hope you're all coping? Take care x
“There is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night.”
For me, arms got the worst of it because when I was in the state, they were the nearest thing and also uncovered so i just naturally went for the first thing there.
Do not adjust your mind, there is a fault in reality
Well considering your mum wasnt inside your head at the time its hard for her to know whether it was a conscious decision or not and since you dont feel it was, you should trust your own feelings about it ;)
its hard to think straight at the time often.
I'm sorry that people around you dont accept them, that must make it very difficult.
But like with everything else, we need to learn to accept things about us even when others dont. It is our opinion that counts. There will always be people trying to bring you down for whatever reason, and you have to try to not let them affect you and be confident enough in yourself to know that if they have a problem about something about you, that they are the problem and not you xxx
♥ .I'm going to fall like I don't need saving. ♥
...My smile's just the armour I built when I was alone...
There was some part of me that hurt so badly, that I wouldn't ever be able to forget it.
It faded but the memories could bring it back any second, keeping me in the moment.
It would never fully heal. I could never really be free. I could never really be fixed. Now I just have to work out how to live whilst being broken.
I feel like I'm dying.
I would add also, sorry if this is triggering, but I like to be able to see where I self harmed. I try not to do it where it would be too obvious to anyone else, but it is something I consider when I think about where I do it.
For me, personally, I think the reason for harming in an "obvious place" is usually a combination of reasons! For example, sometimes (and it really all boils down to what exactly I'm feeling during that episode of SH) I do it without thinking. Sometimes I do it on purpose, maybe because I'm mad at someone I care about or am looking for attention. I, like a lot of self harmers, often will deny deny deny I do it for attention, but I think sometimes a part of me does. I read in a book once that said something along the lines that if someone is doing SH for attention, that attention needs to be given in some way. People think that rewarding with that attention will be some how enabling, but if someone you care about needs your attention so bad that they hurt themselves, it must be pretty important and worth listening to them!
I'm not saying for sure that's why you do it where you do, but maybe worth considering? Is there someone you were angry at, or feeling like you are being neglected in the relationship or anything like that?
Thank you for your replies everyone, they mean a lot I hope you are all managing x
Quote:
Originally Posted by DontLookUp
Well considering your mum wasnt inside your head at the time its hard for her to know whether it was a conscious decision or not and since you dont feel it was, you should trust your own feelings about it ;)
its hard to think straight at the time often.
I'm sorry that people around you dont accept them, that must make it very difficult.
But like with everything else, we need to learn to accept things about us even when others dont. It is our opinion that counts. There will always be people trying to bring you down for whatever reason, and you have to try to not let them affect you and be confident enough in yourself to know that if they have a problem about something about you, that they are the problem and not you xxx
Thank you for being so supportive, I judge myself so harshly on what other people think of me that I don't really have an opinion of myself and whatever opinions I gain of myself seem to be negative and in moments before inflict such damage but that doesn't feel like me... I really don't know who I am. Thank you again, take care x
Quote:
Originally Posted by IdleButDeadly
For me, personally, I think the reason for harming in an "obvious place" is usually a combination of reasons! For example, sometimes (and it really all boils down to what exactly I'm feeling during that episode of SH) I do it without thinking. Sometimes I do it on purpose, maybe because I'm mad at someone I care about or am looking for attention. I, like a lot of self harmers, often will deny deny deny I do it for attention, but I think sometimes a part of me does. I read in a book once that said something along the lines that if someone is doing SH for attention, that attention needs to be given in some way. People think that rewarding with that attention will be some how enabling, but if someone you care about needs your attention so bad that they hurt themselves, it must be pretty important and worth listening to them!
I'm not saying for sure that's why you do it where you do, but maybe worth considering? Is there someone you were angry at, or feeling like you are being neglected in the relationship or anything like that?
Take care *hugs*
Hi thank you for the hugs *hugs back* I don't feel like I do it for attention but there may be an element of 'I'm in crisis, please help me' I've been getting memories after months of flashbacks and trauma related delusions In hospital 3 years ago I had to re represss it tell myself it wasn't real so I could get treatment for my psychosis now that the psychosis is healing due to correct medication I'm now getting 'real' memories and I couldn't face it alone anymore I was deeply ashamed of myself with these memories very angry at myself but also angry at the world that these memories are the real deal so also an element of 'notice me I need your help' but I didn't want her to know I only told because she'd find out anyway. So I see your reasoning and thank you for honest, tale care also x
“There is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night.”
I hope I don't upset anyone with this thread. Please let me know and I'll delete it.
