|
Some poems written while IP *potentially triggering*
1: Untitled
She starts with a smile, warm
And welcoming, she seduces
A response from all who meet her
Charming, bright and fragile
The cracks appear and the smile falters
Such a timid, precious thing
That only needs to be loved
But she is poisonous, toxic
Drugs do you less harm than her
Words, promising the world
But she never delivers
She tears out your hear
To wear as her own (she has quite a collection)
She keeps the precious ones in jars
To examine and reopen
Old wounds she refuses to let heal
Such a solitary profession, it drains her
Yet she cannot retire, it’s in her nature
To destroy hearts.
2: In-patient reflections
I watch the hours shrink-
The night lengthens, alone
With a solitary clock that ticks
Monotonously, in time with my pulse
And pace of life, slow, steady
Too regular- so I become restless
Aggitated and full of fear
For tomorrow, lies more routine
And overly sympathetic smiles
Soft voices for soft minds
To prevent the fragile cracking
And I will spend the daylight
Smiling and stable for others benefit
While consciously constructing happiness
Out of textbooks- meditating and distracting
Myself from reality- I am unwell
And behind bars, pretending
To build a life.
3: Untitled
She had been crying for hours
As the night drew in, she remembers
That she once had warmth to keep her
Safe against the endless dark
And so she curls up tightly
Cradling herself and pretending
That someone held her
They told her she was sick
The day they threw her away
For “her own safety”, she admitted
That she had been unraveling
For months, she could not face the Hell
So swallowed one last bitter pill
And signed away her life
They took her in and stripped her bare
Naked for all eyes to see, the scars
Gleamed ugly and obvious
The doctors said her illness was life-
If she can take herself apart
She could put herself together
And so with great zeal, she threw herself
Into righting (writing) all her wrongs
So for a few days she was happy
That the pieces were fitting so well
Until she remembered why
She had preferred to be fragmented
And hide her empty shell
For hadn’t there always been a missing piece?
That for years she masked with smiles and
Long sleeves to hide the gaps
In her skin, and in her mind
She kept her fears quiet with a bottle
And later, powdered snow
But that is behind her (or so she thought)
Until she found an old escape
From her supposed haven, how blissful it was
To drag metal through skin and remember
What it was to be whole,
the world could never know:
She’s not getting better.
4: A message from Ana
So you want to lose a few pounds?
It’s easy if you know how
And honestly, it’s a myth
That you always need to eat
Breakfast- that can wait
And lunch will bring a sandwich
A reward for being good
For managing this morning
On last night’s nibbles
(You barely touched your dinner)
I’m so proud- you’re progressing.
Don’t you feel so much better
Now that your face is getting thinner?
You used to hide those cheekbones
Beneath a layer of pointless fat
And, darling, they’re so beautiful
But please don’t stop at that
Those jeans can still get looser
And all I see is flab.
Begin to savour hunger
It’s the secret of your success, your willpower
Lies in tiny portions, and food hidden
Down your vest.
Oh darling, please don’t cry
We all make mistakes
And you can always burn that cake
With several days of running
You have so little energy, but it’s okay
If you can’t manage- just push
Your fingers down your throat
It only burns for a little while, feel better?
Now smile, you can almost see
Your ribs- you’re doing well honey.
Don’t listen to the others, it’s not selfish
To want perfection and you’re so close
To your target weight- oh you can’t remember
What it was? That’s fine, darling, you can
Never be too thin, you won’t kill yourself
You have so far to go
|
