I`m really freaking out , Lately I been out of control and cant distract anymore , and I SH and I get sexually aroused and I dont understand it this happened a while back to me about a month ago . and it scared the hell out of me . This feeling dont happen all the time , but lately its happening alot more . I feel like a freak . I hope I`m not alone in this ..Please help ..
A positive additude is the way to go , Hope lives !
Thank you , for your reply , Been doing some research and I`m finding out alot of things and I`m not in the right place now . but will be back soon . hope all is well ...
A positive additude is the way to go , Hope lives !
I had that a long time ago and I've heard it's not uncommon. Self harm stimulates certain feel good chemicals in your brain, so it's not surprising it could get linked to arousal. You're not a freak at all.
Stereotypes are the epitome of human laziness.
- me
I recall once a young boy was abused while his abuser lit ceremonial fires. The kids sexuality became trauma conditioned to be associated with fire and he grew up to be a compulsive arsonist. He didn't actually want to be an arsonist mind you. Trauma has a way of shocking people out of their tree and they descent into their own machinery. Emotions and thoughts and behaviors take on a life of their own. A trauma self seeks out the same people, places, things, experiences etc that created it. On the one hand you don't want to deny what you see but don't hate yourself or the problem either because that makes it worse. its quite clear that you don't agree with the behaviour despite the compulsion to act any of them out. Being upset also can cause sexuality to get out of hand so if you get upset with it you can get worse impulses. I would make a learning situation of this and look at the issues objectively and not get too emotional or analytical. Your thoughts wil condemn you and tell you there is no hop if you get upset and then analyze. If you dont hate the problem or struggle angrily one day you'll have a realisation and suddenly certain things will look silly to you and you will just drop them - or they will drop you more accurately. You just need an attitude of discovery and you cant get too lost in other things because that blocks realisation
So looks like I`m sado masochistic .. I`m not sure if this is the right place to go into more detail , but it sheds new light on my feeling about pain and pleasure. Thank you for not thinking I`m a freak but with some people in my life that wont be the case . Stay strong everyone we will beat this thing .....
A positive additude is the way to go , Hope lives !
Thank you for your reply, No , it wont , non of the three, But to find this out at this point in my life , and to be married to someone that dont understand it and is unsupportive doesnt help . So how do I control it ?If I find pleasure in hurting myself and will end up with a more serious injury as a result ? Any advise is helpful .
A positive additude is the way to go , Hope lives !
Ahh, I see. This issue with this is with your partner's reaction to it? It must be very difficult not having your partner understand. Have you tried pointing out unusual things that he finds arousing?
Self harm, arousal or otherwise, is harmful, and it can escalate and cause more serious injuries. Have you thought about trying to give it up? Do you feel in control of your self harm at the moment?
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
No Im not in control of it , So how do you go there ? No its not something that you can just give up , How can you go there?? I think maybe you dont understand either . If I`M stuggling how do you think one can just give it up seriously ??????? AND no I dont think arousal is harmful . Dont agree
A positive additude is the way to go , Hope lives !
Could you perhaps look into safe ways to explore the pain/arousal thing without doing yourself damage? There are a lot of websites etc which can tell you how to arouse yourself with regards to pain without any physical damage although obviously be careful with such websites, what you view and who you talk to on them.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
Yeah I agree that pain and arousal aren't bad. But you need to do it in a way that doesn't cause permanent effects like self harm does for it to be safe.
Stereotypes are the epitome of human laziness.
- me
Thanks for your relpys , Yes there are ways to get aroused other than SH and Im looking into other ways , But I still SH , Trouble is I need someone to please my needs . And right now I feel trapped .
A positive additude is the way to go , Hope lives !
Still struggling with this , Had some support and that didn't help so I`m still a mess . I need someone to talk to . I`m gonna just go and hurt myself again ... Help me .....
A positive additude is the way to go , Hope lives !
I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. I think it can be hard to find out things about yourself when you feel like you are old enough that you're supposed to know yourself.
You probably know already that a linking in the brain of arousal and pain/fear is a pretty common, and understandable, reaction to having been sexually abused, especially in your formative years. Don't know if that's the case with you.
But-- if we're going on the premise that arousal is generally good, and self-harm is generally bad, are there ways that you could safely incorporate some of what you're realizing 'floats your boat' into your love life? I have read that even 'sensation play' like touching someone's skin with a feather can be considered under the broad umbrella of s/m. Would your hubby want to touch you with ice cubes or something? As someone said above, there is a lot of stuff out there on the internets, that can be *safe*. Hopefully your partner will be open to talking and figuring this out with you.
