Numb

[bugg]

My depression has reached the point of numbness again. This has happened two or three times now. I have relapsed and cut myself about two weeks ago, but now, in a way I have the urge to do it again, I'm at the point where I don't even care if I recover;I don't. Again,this has happened before, but not this bad.
I feel completely and utterly alone;I really need someone to talk to. I'm in therapy but due to costs I haven't gone regularly lately.
I just want to lay on my bed in my room and stare at the ceiling, doing nothing; turn off electronics, lock the door, no music, nothing. But I can't because of school. I feel like since I am having no emotion and plain numbness I'm not...real;if that makes since. I feel like I need to cut just to know I'm alive. Pain sounds good compared to this right now. Sigh... I don't know what to do... Thank you for reading. I'm sorry.

[Chronos]

Don't apologise for posting, it takes a strong person to talk about their personal thoughts and feelings.
I don't have much experience with what your going through but just wanted you to know i hope things start getting easier for you and if you need someone to listen and not judge feel free to email/pm me and offload or chat whenever.

[Steel Maiden]

I'm not clear on what "feeling numb" feels like but if you have a mental health team / psychiatrist /etc (I've noticed you live in Utah, so the system is different there to here in the UK), you should inform them of this recurrence of symptoms. If you don't have a mental health team, then you really do need to see a doctor about this.