So, I have signed up to Plenty of Fish. So far, I have had a guy ask me if I will spit on him or use him as a foot rest, and another guy ask me if it's OK for him to watch porn while he talks to me. Now, whatever floats your boat and all that, but neither of those things appeals to me. I ended the conversations and moved on...
How do you find people that are more suited? What do you say when you first message someone? I've never had a date on or off off line so am completely out of my comfort zone.
*Flounders like a fish out of water.*
“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.
I'm on okcupid and I only tend to message someone if we have something in common and I use that as a starting point for a conversation.
I tend to search for keywords to find people more matched to me and with similar interests.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
Meeting people in internet is ok if its normalish and involves knowing people over time by degree. I would never go to a site for dating. Such sites have to be full of sketchers. Just go to sites of more general interest and meet randoms there for same reason. I like people from dART. If someone like taking pics of landscapes and streets etc. and seems smart then that's better than people dressed like a dog's dinner and trying to hook up (or catfish someone lol).
I had a profile on plentyoffish a few years ago and ended up having a relationship with someone I met from there, he was a nice guy. I think it's probably a case of choosing to message someone you think you've got things in common with and seeing where it goes from there.
I think you're doing the right thing by ending those sorts of conversations and moving on, I've done the same when people have asked me strange things.
It might just be a case of sticking with it until you find someone good.
Maybe that's just not a great site for you? I've never used a dating site but that amount of odd quirkiness seems like it would be unusual.
As for what to say when first messaging someone, like was said above, I'd start with the things you know you have in common from your profiles and go from there. A first message probably doesn't have to be long. I'd just note a common interest and share a little about how I relate. Adding a question or two about them too might help show that you're interested in knowing more about them and gives them something to reply with. Probably just something like "Hi, I'm Sarah. I was looking at your profile and I saw that you like hiking a lot. I love hiking. Have you ever been hiking at this one place? I used to go there a lot with my friend. It's beautiful there. Where is you're favorite place to hike?" Or like, "Hi, I'm Sarah. I saw that you're going to nursing school. I'm going into the medical field too. I'd like to become a lab technician. Right now I'm doing an internship at this one hospital. What made you want to go into nursing?" And then hope he messages back and just continue on with other questions about life. Interests, hobbies, favorites, things you dream of doing one day, family and pets, careers, you know, just get to know each other. :)
Giving up doesn't always mean you're weak.
Sometimes it just means you're strong enough to let go.
Im a bit of a serial dater and Ive been on POF for quite a long time and spoken to a lot of men on there. You get to know whos a wierdo, it becomes obvious really quickly and you just have to ignore them, it is a lot of sifting through people that you dont have an attraction to to find people you do.
You can try advance searching on there and looking for someone with a similar interest, or go on the meet me thing and find the people youre attracted to and read their profiles and see if you think you have anything in common. You can also location search and ten see who youre interested in from there. Dont fall into the trap of talking to someone you have no interest in just because they have messaged you!
If youre replying to messages that are sent to you I am just friendly, answer questions and ask things back so that they have something to reply to. If youre messaging first make sure you have read their profile and use one of their interests to strike up a convo. E.g. 'Your profile says you like scuba diving, when did you start that?What is the most interesting thing you have seen scuba diving.' People love to talk about themselves!
In my own experience its best to get them off POF as quick as possible if you want to carry on talking/meet up. The way I go about it is usually...message on POF for a few days, then switch to emails, then exchange numbers and I ALWAYS make a phone call before I go on a date with someone. Then meeting....I try not to leave it more than 2 weeks otherwise it gets boring!
I know at least 5 people who have got really good relationships from POF, some were on there for a while,some found someone literally a couple of weeks after being there. I probably could be in a relationship from someone there if I wanted but I just like dating!
If you need anymore advice feel free to message me, I can have a lot at your profile too if you think theres anything there that might need improving, or you can see mine :)
Good luck in the dating world!x
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
I found POF quite difficult - I got a lot more out and out weirdos and perverts message me on there than elsewhere.
I went to OK Cupid where I tended to get less trouble as it matches you by personality (based on questions). I met my ex on there and we dated for a while, I also had a handful of other very pleasant dates.
I'm on POF too lol, and so far I have had no luck :(
There is a setting where you can specify that you're not looking for a 'romantic encounter' as they put it. It comes up on the bottom of your profile and if they go to message you.
Good luck!! :)
I prefer OkC and am currently dating someone I met on there. I've found it much better for meeting people. Although if you want you can pm me a link to your profile and I might be able to suggest ways you can tailor it so it attracts the type of person you're looking for.
When I message someone, I normally say something along the lines of "Hello <name>, I saw your profile and liked it lots so thought I'd message. How's it going?". Then I mention something on their profile and ask a question about it. So if they said they were into art galleries I might say "I like that you are interested in art galleries, have you been to the Tate Modern? I work right by it". Then I would end with an "All the best, Oliver" with the "Oliver" on its own line.
"Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged,
sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and wrong because sometime in your life you will have been all of these."
I just joined OKC....I quite like it but i dont like the 'enemies' thing :/
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
Thank you all for responding. It's been really good to hear other people's experiences. :)
I've had a couple of messages from people that I just don't feel it for, including one guy who messaged me with "I would love to bend u over x x." Um... I'm not a prude as such, well maybe a little, but I'm not OK for people to be quite so forward. I swiftly deleted the message.
I'm messaging one guy who seems nice though. :)
“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.
Yeah I've just become official with my girlfriend who I met on OkCupid. I would definitely recommend it. It seems that quite a few women get lots of very "forward" messages on those sites. Us guys don't, but just keep at it and you will find the right one for you
"Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged,
sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and wrong because sometime in your life you will have been all of these."
I found POF to be quite good, I got some messages from odd people but the majority were nice. My ex boyfriend I met there was a sweet guy, not a weirdo at all. We broke up because I decided to call things off, I was a bit mentally unwell and pushed people away from me at that time, we kept in contact though and we're still friends now. I suppose it's like a lot of places, you can have good and bad experiences anywhere you go.
I used POF once, I was only looking for friendship at the time. Two days after joining, I had a message from a woman who lived not far from me, we got chatting and after a couple of weeks all seemed well. This went on for another month and then one day she asked if I would like to have a meal with her that evening. It took a lot for me to accept the invite and go along. I was racked with nerves but off I went. It seemed harmless enough, I was feeling comfortable and having a nice time.
We chatted for a couple more weeks after that and then she changed. It was made clear from the start on my profile that all I wanted was friendship and nothing. She started getting heavier with the chats and started talking about having sex with me. When I made it clear that sex is going well beyond anything I could offer, she got nasty and in the end I deleted my POF profile and I've never been back on it since.
Used POF a while ago, started talking to someone, then got an essay off her about why I wasn't suitable, physical traits mainly, which was all well and good, she was entitled to say that. However, my profile pic then was me, my dad and uncle at a wedding, she described my uncle, not me....
Used POF a while ago, started talking to someone, then got an essay off her about why I wasn't suitable, physical traits mainly, which was all well and good, she was entitled to say that. However, my profile pic then was me, my dad and uncle at a wedding, she described my uncle, not me....
