Contains alcohol - not sure anymore

[merry2]

hi,
ireally have never drank any spirtits or beer,

but lately since my depression ,ive started having a drink or two,
which for me is enough to knock me out.

last week sfter therphy, i saw someone fromy past,
which set stress levels up.,

so i called in the shop and got some drink, went home and drank have of the bottle.

sometime in this mixed upmind of mine, i phoned my cpn, and left a message, she did call me back,
and asked me to pour the rest away, and she would call me back, to cut a long story short i drank it, and told her so,to which she replied im a grown women its up to you, but she didnt give me chance to explain.

so the next thing i remember was thinking oh imgonna take some pills,
but when i got up, i fell ove and smacked my face on the floor, knocking me out,

later i managed to call my cpn who was out, so they put me through to the duty one,

i told him i couldnt get up, so he said he d send for a ambulance, but my door was locked,
so the police broke it open.
now comes the embarrasing bit,when they got me up,id wet myself,
so they got clean clothes for me including underwear,
and rederessed me , both men,
i was taken to hospital, for checks,
i was fine apart from my nose and chin,which are now nice and black.

my cpn is coming on wed, but im so embarressed at seeing her and so ashamed that at my age i acted like that.
do you think i should see her and explain, or just cancel.

not sure why i started drinking, i dont want anymore,
but im so stressed out,
ty for reading this if it makes any sense

[talaiporia]

That sounds horribly difficult. It's easy for things to get out of hand with alcohol/pills because it affects our judgement.

It sounds like the police were very kind (they usually are) even if it was very embarrassing.

She'll have seen this sort of thing before, a whole heap, so don't worry. But, it's important to be honest with her about why you did it and how they can help. Her point about you being an adult - she can't control your choices she can only help you. Don't cancel.

[phoenix_M]

Honestly I would explain to her, that way she can help. I know that it was a terribly embarrassing situation to be in, however its not uncommon (I work in a substance use and mental health service).

it sounds to me like the alcohol was used as self medication to block out the effects of the day, again quit common. your CPN should be able to advise you on managing drinking so that it does not become a form of self medication. They should also be able to discuss positive coping techniques with you.