|
relapse **MAY BE TRIGGERING**
I was doing really good, i was about two weeks clean, but i threw it all away last night. I couldnt take my parents yelling at me, telling me i could do better, when i really am trying my best. i got put in classes for emotionally "unstable" for lack of a better word, but there are less students and the work is a little toned down so its a lot less overwhelming. Its probably the best thing thats happened this year. but my mom says im not stupid so i shouldnt be there and my dad says the same thing. but they keep yelling at me about it, like im faking it and can really handle more. I cant though. I like my new classes, my social worker, therapist, cmo worker, guidance counselor, all of them...except my parents.
So i relapsed, i keep trying to justify it and say that i didnt go deep, but i know i cant do that. either way, a relapse is a relapse. im just lost. my parents wont leave me alone. everything that comes out of my moms mouth is cursing me out, telling me how much she hates me, saying **** you, how horrible of a child i am. i dont get how im supposed to not cut.
its so hard. and now i got called down to the nurse, and the nurse called my mom and told her i cut, so now im scared to go home. i dont know what my moms going to say or do.
i cant deal with this anymore, i dont want to die, thats not it at all. i just want to be able to deal with my pain somehow, whether it be good or bad.
|
