Just, we have all the senior managers coming into our office today to sort out a plan of action to help make things easier for us, and I'm nervous. My colleagues are a bit militant at the moment, and also seem to have resentment towards me [veiled].
I would just like some support please.
Hopefully I will able to read any replies from my phone during my tea break. If I get one that is, recently it's been like having to schedule visits to the Ladies on my Outlook tasks! Meh!
After all none of them came! Apparently tomorrow and Thursday they will... I don't work on Wednesdays due to my appointments, so I feel rather blah about my colleagues saying stuff and my not being there.
That is disappointing that you can't voice your views on things face to face. But could you perhaps note down some things that you want bringing up and give it to one of your co-workers?
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
I won't see them before Thursday afternoon. I might email her/my senior manager with things I want to cover. Though I think she's pretty aware of what needs attention and things we're battling against. It's just both my colleagues are talking about asking to drop out and go back to where they were. Which feels really cruddy for me.
I understand why its so difficult for you feeling left out and like they are getting a chance to talk about you without you being present, I would feel that too. I honestly hope that isn't the case. Looking at it from a totally unbiased view in my experience everyone gets nervous when senior managers turn up and most likely they are more worried about their needs than yours.
I hope it goes well and you can raise your issues okay and then hopefully the senior managers will be helpful and supportive.
It kind of failed, or rather, I did.
Because I was so weak from being unwell, I couldn't fully follow what was being said. And when I spoke I felt all my words were jumbled. I didn't give the best impression of myself. And it was blatantly obvious it was *them* and *me*. Ugh.
I want my work to be 'normal', to prove that my 'disability' doesn't disable me too much. But the bottom line is that there is part of me that really cannot relate well and that in order to prove myself I push myself over the edge and collapse. I want to feel that I am as good as everyone else, but how to do that? [Especially when it seems blatantly clear that I am absolutely not.]
No, your father was wrong, big time. I doubt you remember, but a few years ago when I was in a really bad place you were really supportive for me, and your posts generally have been inspirational to me through the years. There is no way that you could ever be 'worse than useless'.
Rather than run from your limitations, could you maybe try to embrace them (I've not read your thread on MH). At my previous job, once I had identified my limitations it was possible for me to sit with management and come up with reasonable adjustments to my work (for me it was simply moving a shift back by an hour so I didn't get as overwhelmed with the amount of stuff to do when work got busy) and in my current job, although I couldn't see how reasonable adjustments could be made in the beginning, I have a meeting with my line manager every week to just talk about the week, what I have found hard and different ways I could deal with those situations and what I have done really well that week. It was initially very hard for me to hear him praising me, but I am now often the one saying 'i think i did x really well'.
Just some thoughts hen...
stay safe
xxx
"Has anyone seen my contact lens? It may be stuckto a tree or a rock or something. Oh boy, I am so grounded" Family Guy
if everyone cared and nobody cried, if everyone loved and nobody lied, if everyone shared and swallowed their pride, we'd see the day that nobody died
I already have reasonable adjustments in place. Just not for that kind of work, as it goes, as back office is always seen as respite for me.
And, don't laugh, but my line manager actually suggested I work in the office to get away from customer stress! The thing is, as the work is different I wasn't really aware of my limitations in respect of it until I started. I do have difficulties with concentration and retaining large amounts of complex information, as well as 'people pleasing' and these became really big there.
I don't know you or the nature of your job but it sounds really stressful at the moment from what you're describing. I think anyone would be stressed without having illness to contend with too. It doesn't sound like you've failed in any way.
Basically I work for a council department. That generally means public facing, but the past couple of weeks I've been intensively in a back office with a small team coordinating quite complex deliveries. With the IT glitching all over the place. Without a manager on site. It's noone's fault. Just, we had to untangle such a lot of chaos under a lot of pressure of space and time.
Maybe my father was right in what he said to me when I still lived at home, over and over, that I am 'worse than useless'.
I've been manically trying to run from my limitations this past fortnight, and hey presto, they slap me in the face.
Absolutely definitely NOT right. Never ever ever. We have been 'talking' on and off for years and, I can say that is WRONG. On the other hand I can totally understand where you are coming from when you say that because things like that can really make a lasting impression, but that doesn't make him right.
Sometimes when we try and avoid things manically and they then happen it feels soo much worse. The answer is not to manically avoid them, but like so many things it is much easier said than done.
I hope that last post came out right. It's meant to be supportive but I'm not sure it is now I've read it so if it isn't then I'm sorry (Im having a confusing (everyone else type) day!)
.gif "rose")
