In my 2nd year of Uni and I've come to a point where I don't feel I can continue.
The course & the town it's situated in have proven to both be a huge disappointment and I don't feel like I've got a life to live here any more.
Underlying problem is an existential crisis I'm in the throes of. I can't see any path, choices or opportunities that end in a positive outcome for me. I wake up to a world I can't fathom my own place or purpose in.
I don't place any value on success or money. Most due to having very little of both. I've realised I am not special and that I can't achieve anything. My potential may be there, but I've given up on trying to access it.
I've had suicidal urges before, but they were few and far between. Now each day opens itself up to a variety of life-ending opportunities.
The university has proven itself incapable of functioning in response to any request of help. There's an ongoing set of complaints from myself and coursemates over an completely mismanaged module from earlier in the year that has been largely ignored and / or twisted. No respect for any rules of confidentiality either. So I have no faith in any University run services or staff (independent or otherwise) to offer any advice that would prove to be of any use.
GP is no option either, firstly down to my inherent mistrust of anyone with power or authority. Secondly, I'm scared of being disbelieved or patronised. Because the only lessons Uni has taught me, is that if a "professional" doesn't carry out their duties within the rules I have no means of redress.
I've sought out advice from friends. But whilst well-meaning they're all too biased to get any kind of impartiality and family isn't an option. My parents have their own stuff going on and they've given me so much to help me out that I can't face telling them I've F*cked up.
I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can't bring myself to get any kind of professional help. I'm 3 weeks away from complete failure and the only thing constructive I've managed in this whole situation is writing out this post.
I'm sick of being on the cusp of failure and I'm not prepared to help myself out of this. I think the only option open to me is accept I've come to a close of proceedings and it's time to pack the rucksack and jump before I'm pushed.
If anyone can offer up something, please do. I'm spent....
I relate and have felt similar.
I dont have any magic solutions, but what i would say is to concentrate on finishing your degree. It might feel like you need to make ALL the life decisions now, but you really dont. Where you are now does not have to have any impact on where you might end up in future. But you're into your second year now, push through this and finish your degree, that is definitely something to be proud of and an achievement that is worthwhile no matter what you might want to do in the future.
I nearly gave up my art degree, because i decided i might want to work in health care, but the fact that you have a degree will help you long term whatever field you want to work in. It shows you have the intelligence and the commitment.
Look at the last 6 months, does it seem like its gone quickly? Only a few more months and your degree will be finished. You can look at moving to another city, making fresh friends and career choices.
You havent ****ed up. I think this is fairly common, we all have wobbles. My mum is 65 and says she still doesnt know what she wants to do when shes grows up! I always try and remember that. It might not seem like it, but its never too late to try something new and find what you really love, and sometimes that just takes a bit of time.
Push through this next 1.5 years as best as you can, leave with a degree and then find what you want to do next!
Does your uni offer counselling services? Would you be willing to try that?
I'm taking the plunge and registering with a new GP, hoping a different Doctor might actually engage with me.
I definitely need to sort out some sort of extension for my coursework submissions, I can get the work done but I genuinely think a few weeks of medication and therapy / counselling would stand me in a much better stead to do so, any advice on that route would be appreciated?
Wobbles, good term! Definitely in the throes of one of those. Fortunately I do get my lucid moments, but I've just been so inexplicably low recently and the severity of of how quickly my emotional state can change is getting to be pretty worrying. I've just never approached my issues in my adult life, coped pretty well up until this year. But it's clear I need to intervene before I spiral and lose everything I've gained.
Thanks again, you've given me some clarity that I was lacking last night. Hopefully things start to turn around.
Glad you're feeling a bit better. Try and remember this feeling is only temporary.
I'm glad you're going to register with a new GP, it should definitely help. I'm not sure about uni counselling as its something i didnt use myself. How about looking on your uni/union website? I'm sure there will be some info on there.
Hi there, I just wanted to add in that I can also completely relate to how you are feeling. I'm also in my second year of my degree, but I definitely had a huge wobble last year when I felt I wasn't worthy or deserving of being on my course.
Yet I went to see my personal tutor, who'd organised for me to apply for some uni counselling. Both suggested that I see my GP, so as terrified I was at the prospect (I'd suffered alone for 5 years) it truly was one of the best things I've ever done. GP's are understanding, not only because they have training in this field but moreso because this is such a common problem and they see it all the time. They will know how to help and advise you and there are always options.
I would suggest sticking out the degree also. Don't let such a long term decision be effected by a temporary feeling. You will come out for the better of it, trust me. Uni counselling is a good idea because they will help you sort out things like extensions and liaising with tutors and lecturers regarding work loads. They also know how stressful a time university can be. For those few who don't, then you know clearly not to speak to them about it. Counsellers are very impartial and don't even know the names of people you're speaking about, so I think that could be a very useful way for you to attain some ideas on what to do next and to sort out your own thoughts about it all.
Registering with a new GP is also a good idea, not just for this problem but also to put you at ease for future problems in case there are any. I hope it all comes out for the better for you. I really do understand how you're feeling, I think many students have been there. But stick the degree out. That will be what makes the difference between you and somebody else who doesn't quite have the courage and determination to.
Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things can be mended. Not with time, as they say, but with intention. So go. Love intentionally, extravagantly, unconditionally. The broken world awaits in darkness for the light that is you.
For finding the help you need you're going to have to search until you find someone who knows what their doing, who listens to you, and who you trust. It can be difficult but it can be done. Just keep looking around for a new doc/psych.
If you need a coursework extension I'd go talk to your professors. I had to do that my second year of college the semester before I dropped out. I was very surprised when they were all understanding and gave me extensions.
Over the last couple of years I've found out something completely terrifying yet weirdly comforting. No one know what they're doing or where they're heading and everybody is simply winging it. As frightening as that is it's also comforting to know that you're not alone feeling like you're on the verge of failure, most other people do as well.
Keep your head up. I can relate to where you are, I've been there before and am in a similar situation now. I've recently graduated and am looking for a job. Despite looking great on paper and living in one of the best places in the world for my field I'm having a hard time finding a job. It feels like I'm going to be alone living in my parents basement for the rest of my life. But I keep on moving on because we truly only fail when we stop trying.
