self destructiveness *could be a trigger*

[weightless]

Hey, well recently I've been having some really difficult thoughts about how I want to kill myself (I found it really difficult just to type that phrase, it's ridiculous) and just general negative, self destructive thoughts. But a new type of thought has appeared. I keep just feeling like a whale each time I eat, regretting each and every bite. I've begun hating the whole process of eating. I dont know if this is the right place but it didn't seem like an eating disorder related post but then I dont know if it fits here either.
My head is just a mess right now, I just want to punish myself.

[SoDark]

I find that one self destructive thought leads to another and if your head is telling you that it is not OK to have suicidal thoughts you make look for other ways to as you said,"punish yourself." I know that in my experiences, cutting was not socially acceptable so I took up smoking and got tattoos. Sometimes it was restricting and purging. Maybe try to figure out exactly what is bothering you to make you want to do self destructive things. If you ever want to talk it out pm me anytime.

[sapphire hearts]

*offers hugs* You don't have to punish yourself hun. Suicidal thoughts are so difficult to deal with, and I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Don't worry about where posts belong hun - this is as good a place as any to ask people.

To be honest, this sounds ED-related. Feeling fat when eating is relatively common (especially for women! unfortunately) but if it is impacting your eating habits and life then this could be the start of an eating disorder.

Do you see a professional? Could you maybe talk to them about this development?

Wish I could help more, but I'm really tired atm, sorry - PM me anytime sweetie.

Katie xx

[yoyogirl]

what about speaking to your gp, crisis nurse, mh worker and see what help they can help you x

[crazykat]

Do you know what's making you feel like you need to punish yourself? I think your already struggling enough without further punishing yourself. You deserve compassion right now. Does anybody know about the way you have been feeling? As it might really help to have some extra support right now. Hold on there, you can get through this. Take care
Kat xxx