What I hate the most about BPD

[-Shae-Lynn*]

Borderline Personality disorder is so complex that it appears differently for every person who has it. I didn't agree with the diagnosis for a long time and got so many second opinions because I didn't believe it. I didn't, that is, until a doctor explained it to me the way she saw it and everything fit. The emptiness hit home the most.

What I hate most about BPD is not the impulsive behaviour or the self-destructive acts. It's not the anger or even the emptiness. Even the paranoid ideation and disassociation isn't the worst. I enjoy none of these but the one I hate the most is the splitting. Deciding people are either good or bad, that I hate them or I love them. I change my mind about people so quickly. They go about their normal routine and yet if I feel they have done something "wrong" I hate them. I didn't talk to my best friend of 16 years for 5 months because I just didn't like her.

Splitting people into these categories makes me more upset because I feel so alone.

Does anyone else do this? I'm the only person I know with BPD. I feel like such a freak, like it's all my fault, like I should just choose to be better.

[K8EB]

Hi Shae, there's a whole thread called Borderline Personality Disorder Support where you'll find lots of other people with BPD.
Splitting is hard to deal with and it can take a lot of support and work to realise that (just like us!) most people are a mix of good and bad. When I start to split I remind myself of all the good things that that person has done and similarly I have to remind myself not to 'idolise' someone by reminding myself that they are human and are not perfect.
I find the emptiness and unstable identity hardest - I guess we all have a different pattern of difficulties as you say.
Anyway, welcome!

[Stellata]

I split, yes. Though I don't have a diagnosis of Borderline. Everyone splits to some degree, it depends on how extreme and distressing and consistent it is. I'm on the more extreme end of the spectrum, I guess. But having insight into it is so important, though it can increase the pain at times.

[Laura2.0]

Hi,
I have BPD, too. Splitting is not one of the things that I do in extremes, but like you it changes depending on if people do something 'wrong'.
In Germany it is called 'black and white' thinking. One of my teachers challenged me once to try and see more 'gray'. So whenever I notice that I start to think 'black and white' I try to find something 'gray' about that person.
Reminding myself that I'm not perfect either helps, too. I have days where I have a bad mood as everyone else.

[Stellata]

We call it 'black and white thinking' here too. :)
I like to shift it to 'multi coloured thinking'! [Much more cheery than grey! Humans are, after all, multi coloured/facted people with multi coloured/faceted emotions.]

[Laura2.0]

^ right, multi coloured is way cooler than gray. I'll try to remember that (and tell my teacher when she mentions anything like black, white or gray thinking again)