seeking help

[VirtueOrSin]

Please bear with me on this, I will need to explain a few things to give my question some context and for anyone who reads this to understand just how scared I am.

I have been to doctors in the past about my mental health, on several occasions over the years actually, but I have always ran away. I have never been back to that doctor and I have actually registered with different doctors because of it every time. I am terrified of seeking help, absolutely terrified. I have seen 11 different therapists and counselors since I was 13 and never stayed in therapy for longer than an initial session (with the exception of one who I stayed with for just over a month, but my mother got a posting and we moved out of the country).

I have become, in my opinion, fairly adept at controlling my depression and dealing with my moods over the years. Up until two weeks ago I had not self harmed in 8 months.

The past year has been hell. I am at a point where I don't understand what emotions I am feeling, I don't even know if I am feeling anything. I don't want to bore anyone with the details of what has happened this past year, but just imagine all of the things that could go wrong in your life, all of those things you wish on a daily basis not to ever happen. Then imagine them all happening at once, one after the other and just when you think that you are as low as you could possibly get, something else happens and you have to deal with that. I am not coping, I am not coping at all, I can NOT deal with this right now and I don't know what to do.

I want help, I really really do want help but I don't know what to do or say. What do I say? How can I tell someone what help I need when I don't know myself, I don't know what's wrong?

[sapphire hearts]

I'm sorry you've had such a tough time.

Have you thought about writing a letter? Sometimes it's easier to hand someone a piece of paper than to actually say the words. I know sometimes you don't know how you feel yourself - I'm about to re-enter therapy, and I've started writing/drawing/doodling in a journal, which I plan to give to the therapist - would that maybe be helpful?

Being afraid of talking about your issues is fairly common, but do you have any idea why you're afraid to enter long-term therapy?

If you want to talk, just PM me honey, I'm always here *hugs*

Katie xxx

[Patent Pending]

Hi there.

I think it's a really good step that you do want to reach out for help.

Are you registered with a doctor now? Maybe you could write things down for them...or even print off your post to try to explain? I know it's scary to go back and keep appointments...I struggle with it a lot. Could you have someone go with you? Or if you tell them when your next appointment is so they make sure you go?

It's difficult but it gets easier with the more appointmenta you go to.

x x x

[VirtueOrSin]

Thank you, writing things down is actually a really good idea. I have registered with a new doctor and I have told a friend that is understanding that I am going to make an appointment, and she has offered to make sure that I go.

It's nice to know that i'm not the only one who struggles to ask for help, so thanks x