I've made it three weeks... I'm experiencing only what I can describe as "withdrawal". It's driving me insane. I've come so close to relapse so many times.
my arms ache with longing
my legs wont stop jumping/tapping with anxiety
my mind races
my head hurts, I wake up with headaches daily. Yesterday it drove me to vomit.
I can't sleep. When I do sleep I dream about cutting.
It hits me like a wall sometimes; this feeling like I "forgot something" and then suddenly I realize why I feel that way. This "forgetting something" feeling is totally the same thing I had when I quit smoking, but this time when I realize what it is it isn't a frustrated "augh, it's just cuz I want to smoke" instead it's "OMG I need to cut RIGHT NOW". Sometimes it hits so hard I lose my breath.
I'm trying so hard to be strong and hang in... but I'm losing all my energy to fight it. :(
i know it's terrible and terrifying to go through this, but wow. i admire your ability to have made it three weeks. keep strong, but don't beat yourself up if you do slip. it'll just give you a better goal (more than three weeks!).
can you find something to do with your hands that might help? a stress ball or drawing or something?
i'm caught somewhere in between alive and living a dream
[...]
the walls are caving in as far as i can see
-andrew mcmahon, caves
3 weeks is so good!! well done on getting that far and you are doing absolutley amazing.
Its a really awful feeling and the urges can seem so overwhelming and you feel like you honestly can't fight them. Quitting is really really difficult, but it honestly does get easier. It can take a really long time, but its worth it.
Like was said if you do slip up dont be mad at yourself for it, its all part of recovering from SH.
But keep hanging on and fighting, your doing really well xx
Last edited by DontLookUp : 16-02-2013 at 11:03 PM.
Reason: rephrasing
♥ .I'm going to fall like I don't need saving. ♥
...My smile's just the armour I built when I was alone...
There was some part of me that hurt so badly, that I wouldn't ever be able to forget it.
It faded but the memories could bring it back any second, keeping me in the moment.
It would never fully heal. I could never really be free. I could never really be fixed. Now I just have to work out how to live whilst being broken.
I feel like I'm dying.
Three weeks is amazing hun, but I can understand the withdrawal too.
It does get easier, the same as a nicotine/drug addiction, with time.
I hope you're okay.
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
you managed to get through this with nicotine, you can do it again! sometimes the urges get worse before they get better, but eventually they will die down. you are worth the effort to recover, and life is worth the effort too *hugs* maybe rather than telling yourself "i need to cut right now", you could try telling yourself "my body/mind thinks i need to cut right now" so that you can keep reminding yourself that it is a craving, not an actual need, and that you really do not need to cut.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Thank you all so much for your concern and replies.
I don't get onto RYL as often as i use to. I find if I'm on here too much it's just triggering, and not enough I don't feel I have enough support!
I am doing better today. I am still harm free :) Friday will mark 1 month so I'm trying to make it!
I tried drawing last night. It's the best way to ground myself I've found. It helped a lot :) I want to try to draw more often, I have to just keep reminding myself that these other outlets ARE available!
Just so you know, you are doing great :)
It might help if you stick up post it notes around your room of distractions that you could try or print out a list or leave your distraction stuff (like your art stuff or a movie etc.) in a really visible place!
Take care xx
♥ .I'm going to fall like I don't need saving. ♥
...My smile's just the armour I built when I was alone...
There was some part of me that hurt so badly, that I wouldn't ever be able to forget it.
It faded but the memories could bring it back any second, keeping me in the moment.
It would never fully heal. I could never really be free. I could never really be fixed. Now I just have to work out how to live whilst being broken.
I feel like I'm dying.
