Well, the crush situation sort of blew up in my face. I finally brought myself to ask outright what was going on with the weird situation but I left it far too late. Arguably, not that it was up to me to be the one to ask...
The nutshell version is that I didn't read too much into anything, the things that made me think it was more than friendship were there. However, regardless he just wants to be friends and apologised for leading me on and said that he never wanted to hurt me.
I can't help but feel utterly humiliated and like I just want to disappear. The stupid thing is that if he did want it to go down the relationship route, I'm not ready for a relationship anyway, so I don't know what I exactly expected to happen by letting it get this far. Perhaps I just liked the fact that head****ery aside someone was showing me some affection.
I don't think I can be friends with this person. I don't know if he even genuinely wants to be friends or if he just said it to come over as a nice guy when I asked him what was going on so he didn't come over as just using me. Is it possible to be friends with someone where all the pretext is coming from a dating angle? I think I'd just be in a constant state of "I still want something more, even though I also don't want it". I don't think I want to put myself through that.
I feel like I've ****ed up a situation that could have lead to a good friendship, he's a cool person. However knowing him from a "you lead me on and would have kept doing so until I said something" angle, I don't think he's as nice a person as I thought he was. I want to be totally furious at him but don't feel I really have much grounds for doing so because he was so nice about it when it came to confronting the issue.
It's ridiculous that I can get up like nothing has happened when it comes to anything else life throws at me, but things like this really knock me over. I don't know how I had the strength to go into work the past couple of days and I constantly feel like I could burst into tears. My friends are the people who pick me up and slag off the person who upset me, not the person themselves.
I'm so stupid. Why do I keep letting people in when every single time I get burned? I come across so many people who have been hurt one too many times and just close off, why do I just keep taking it?
"Zeus did not want man to throw his life away, no matter how much the other evils might torment him, but rather to go on letting himself be tormented anew. To that end, he gives man hope. In truth, it is the most evil of evils because it prolongs man's torment."
I don't have much advice to offer I'm afraid, but just thought that I would say I have currently put myself in a similar situation to you........ I'm just hoping that I haven't made a total fool of myself by thinking there is more than there actually is.
All I can say, is that at least you have found out now, rather than leaving it too much later. I think if you can get over the initial "okay so I thought this could be something" then perhaps you could still be friends with the guy.
Not sure that I've really said anything at all useful.......... sorry!
Thank you. I have been in a similar situation where after a few months I was friends with the guy and we're still friends now. The difference was that we were already friends and then I fell for him and he was like woah you're just my friend.
With this one he totally lead me on and it wasn't thinking more than there actually was it was him leading me to believe that. That's not a nice thing to do at all.
I don't know what the future will hold, but to be honest like I said my friends are those who pick me up not the ones who knock me down. I've felt so rubbish since this happened and I've confided in a few of my friends about it who have been supportive. He hasn't been anywhere to be found. I realise this affects him too, but if he wanted a friendship to come out of it surely the best place to start is by being a friend.
"Zeus did not want man to throw his life away, no matter how much the other evils might torment him, but rather to go on letting himself be tormented anew. To that end, he gives man hope. In truth, it is the most evil of evils because it prolongs man's torment."
Hmmm, I wonder actually if he is just not worth all this heartache. Like you say, if he wanted to be friends then he would still be there for you, and that he led you on knowingly is just out of order. It's so hard to know what to do, it would be easy for me to say forget him and move on, it's just a pity life doesn't work that way. It's good that you have some supportive friends, and I am here if you want to chat, I'm not great with advise but I can listen, remember you are not alone :)
Not much for you but...
If he lead you on then you are right, he is not a nice guy, so I would avoid him for a while at least. The time you can spend away from him might be enough for you to think it through and come to a decision about him.
I had the same situation a couple of years ago, confronted him about it and got the "sorry, didn't mean to, thought you knew you weren't my type" stuff. I avoided him after that, and now we are friends, not the best, but friends.
I agree with Strawberry, he's not worth the heartache. He's just someone who put you through crud for his own entertainment. Avoid.
It's his loss after all.
You don't have to be a monkey to recognize a banana!
Thank you both. I've started feeling better since I posted this and the responses have pretty much been the things that have gone around in my head so it's comforting to know I'm thinking logically again.
This has helped me to begin to move on. I was such a mess when I wrote this, I was humiliated and I was hurting and I kind of wanted revenge although I never posted anything about that.
Now I've reached the stage where I've forgiven myself for "allowing" this to happen, because nobody asks for this to happen to them therefore I can't be too harsh on myself. I have learned my lesson so this won't be happening again.
I haven't reached the stage where I can forgive him yet though. It's not even been a week so I don't expect to be there. I want to forgive him though. Not saying I know whether or not we can be friends after this, but I would still like to forgive him so I can be free of any grudge. I suppose deciding I *want* to is the first step.
"Zeus did not want man to throw his life away, no matter how much the other evils might torment him, but rather to go on letting himself be tormented anew. To that end, he gives man hope. In truth, it is the most evil of evils because it prolongs man's torment."
