Contains Suicide - I did it again..idioitic..

[pea soup]

So...a few days ago I took a bottle of my diabetes med. I researched it first. It's my diabetic med. It's fatal. After I took it, I panicked...I didn't want to die. An hour later, I woke Kelly...and the ambulance came. I stayed in ICU for 2 days to get it out of my system. I hated it.

I then went upstairs to the mental ward. I was there for 4 days and went to alot of group therapies and one on one therapies.

I feel very guilty for this. I have given kelly the stupid diabetic med and she gives me one in the morning. I got really overwhelmed that night. I feel extremely alone. I guess because keith won't comminucate with me and I'm trying to get rid of these ashes. Tomorrow is Kaleb's birthday. Everything seems to go so fast and I can't keep up. I'm so stressed out.

I thought I would NEVER do anything like that again. But never say never.

I'm sorry.
xxxxxxxx

[Mandimoo]

It's not your fault you have all these extra thoughts, worries and feelings inside that a 'normal' person wouldn't have to worry about. It's a ever-growing chain of situations creating trauma, creating situations that create more trauma. If you dnt want to die then why attempt? What if it had worked? If you die now you'll never be able to rebuild your relationship with keith. Love you, inbox me on fb if you need me and i'll usually hear it ding and reply xxxx

[dollpart]

Hey. I know this is an odd response, but someone wrote something about "NEVER" doing something like that again, which I found helpful to read.

http://thingsthatstopyoudreaming.wor...28/last-times/

Hugs, and stay safe...

[crazykat]

I'm sorry you felt so desperate that you felt this was your only way out, well done for telling Kelly though. Don't beat yourself up over it, instead work on what you could do better to increase your coping resources for next time when things get hard. Please keep fighting, you will get through this. Take care
Kat xxx

[talaiporia]

Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear this happened.
I really hope you feel better now, and I hope you do never do this again.

[pea soup]

Thank you everyone.

I just found out that my ex bf's Mom died. He was an asshole but she was precious to me. I loved her. She was diabetic and on dialysis and had a brain aneurysm. I'm sad.

Also, I tried calling Keith yesterday. I got an odd message saying there were restrictions on his phone. I thought he had blocked my number, so I called my aunt. He hasn't blocked my number. They took his phone away and had it cut off because he made a D- in English!!! He's a sophomore in high school and trying for a scholarship to college. This has brought his GPA way down. The gf he had has broken up with him. He spent so many hours on the phone with her that he didn't read a book required in English. I'm worried for him and hoping he can bring this grade up next trimester. They are keeping his phone away until the grade is brought up. I think they're doing the right thing.

xxxx

[crazykat]

It's understandable you feel sad, remember it's okay to feel sad and allow yourself time to grieve. I am glad you got it sorted out why you couldn't get through to Keith, hopefully not having the phone will be an incentive for him to get his grades up. Can you contact him instead through your aunt?

[pea soup]

I have been messaging him on FB even though he doesn't want contact me. My therapist told me to continue to stay in contact even if he doesn't respond because it shows that I will never give up on him even if he gives up on me. So, yes, I do stay in contact but never get a response :(

Thank you.
xxxxxxxxxx

[crazykat]

It's good that your not giving up on him, althrough I understand it must hurt. Stay strong

[LizzieRose]

I'm proud that you went to the hospital and especially cause you're trying to stay in touch with Keith. :) He's lucky to have someone like you even though he doesn't seem realize it yet! I wish my father was a bit like you, but no two people are the same unfortunately.

[pea soup]

Thank you guys :) xxxxxxx