What am I going to say to my daughter, when she asks about my scars?

Rainbow Colors · 01-02-2013, 10:38 AM

So I'm pregnant. And I'm actually still not sure yet if I'm going to keep the baby or give it up for adoption.
I'm a year and two and a half months free from sh but I do have a few really bad scars and I know that eventually she's going to ask about them and want to know what they are. And thinking about it...I just have absolutely no idea what I'd say to her.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm even fit to be a mother because even though it's been so long since i sh'd I've still gotten depressed, and wanted to start sh again, I just didn't because i told myself i had to stay strong for my daughter.

freakangel · 01-02-2013, 12:02 PM

I'm not a mom but I used to be a baby sitter. When they are young it's not an issue, even when they are 5-7 or 8 you can say you know mommy hot an owie, people have accidents. A little bit older and dependant on how your scars look I told the girls (7, 10, and 11) I was in a car accident and put my arm thru the window. As a teenager yes it is harder to explain things away especially when kids are getting exposed to things like this at younger and younger ages. You can view the next ten years though as a time to fade those scars, vitamin e, lotions and creams can help diminsh them so they are not as noticeable. Tattoos can be a cover up as well. I dunno just a couple things I thought I'd throw out there. I wish you luck with whatever you choose. Take care.

freakangel · 01-02-2013, 12:04 PM

And having thoughts about SH does not make you a bad mother. In fact the truth is it shows how strong you are since you have resisted the urges. So yea!

EMH · 01-02-2013, 02:01 PM

I think maybe when they get to the right age, just be honest. Say you went through a bad point in life, and it was a coping strategy, which you now dont need anymore (because when your baby is born im sure things will feel so different and good).
I think if kids grow up having learnt more about mental illnesses, it must only be a good thing? opens their eyes and maybe if they knew it was common and important for people not to hide it, if they ever felt that way, or if their friends were showing signs, then theyd understand more and know what to do to get it sorted.
I dont know, just my opinion. Even if you never tell anyone else, your family are the closest thing and should probably know.
And of course you are fit to be a mother. All that matters is that you love them, and everything will follow on from that. Im sure there are loads of people out there who have kids and struggle with life. But theres always help there- you just need to make sure you access it.

brokenbutterflies · 01-02-2013, 07:59 PM

Ive thought about that quite a lot, not that im pregnant, but if i ever have children. I agree with bluestar, when they are old enough to truely understand, i think you should be honest. But be sure to tell her that it was a terrible time in your life, that you dont want anyone, espcially her to go through, ever.
In my honest opinion, just by you saying that your resisting your urges for your daughter, proves that you will be a good mother. but of course in the end, you want to do whats best for her. so, if you truly think you arent ready, or you wont be able to support her, or whatever the reason is, then like you said, adoption is always an option. But, i believe you would be a wonderful, caring and loving mother
good luck and lots of love to you xxx

Rainbow Colors · 03-02-2013, 08:29 AM

Thank you all so much! This has helped a ton! Blue star, i think you're right it will be a good thing to be honest with her when she's old enough to understand, I never thought about how telling her would give her the tools to know what to do if a friend was showing signs or if she felt the same way I did.
And you all are so sweet :) you're right I should focus on the fact that I haven't shd even though I wanted to.
So kind of on a side note if maybe anyone has some advice for me here, I'm really conflicted about whether to give her up for adoption or keep her, because I hardly have any money and I know that I can't give her everything that I want to give her and that's so hard for me. But even that I could live with, right now I'm a little more worried that i won't even be able to give her everything she needs, and so I feel selfish for wanting to keep her, but she's my baby! We have this adoption agency and I've been going and seeing a counselor there but he's from the LDS religion. And I grew up LDS, and I'm not trying to bash them or anything, but I'm really more agnostic and actually haven't been to church in ages. It's all been fine and stuff and helpful to talk about how the adoption process works, but sometimes the counselor pisses me off because he's just so narrow minded. Even though he doesn't like pressure me into adoption or anything like that, he did say something the last time I saw him that really made me mad, and it just pretty much seemed like he was saying adoption is the only right way to go in a situation like mine where the father doesn't want to marry me or even be a father. And ever since that last visit I've just been like i can do whatever the **** I want and I want to keep my baby, and me and my mom could do a great job raising her, I don't need her dad to help me! But I don't want to make a decision just because I'm feeling stubborn and angry.
It also made me feel icky when he was talking about another girl who was pregnant and gave her baby up for adoption, even though she was engaged and had a guy there who was ready to support her and marry her and help raise that baby even though it wasn't his. She ended up getting married to him and had a baby with him. I just feel like If I were to do something like that right after I had her I would feel so guilty for giving her up.
I am just completely torn and don't know what to do. I just keep going back and forth.