I don't even know anymore (maybe triggers)

[SablexRose]

A long time ago in a far off land I took Celexa and Rispadol for my...."issues"....

My mum convinced me that they would take my little girl away if I continued to see my doctor and take my meds....so I stopped...

That was 5 years ago...and I was doing grand. I graduated college and had a job and adjusted well to being on my own for the first time since my stay in the hospital at 18 (the first time I tried to move out...didn't end well...)

3 years ago I met a boy. he lived in Florida and I lived in Pennsylvania, so It was hard and far, but we worked it out and after a year I moved to the sunshine state. I did well....for about a year...then I went down hill...The boy I met, who was so awesome, told me he never wants to marry me. He'd been married before and is "over it"...I figured it's whatever...but it's not

It's burning in my mind...why won't he marry me? am I not good enough? I know I'm defective but I thought I was at least functioning at this point...

On top of this, I have crushes now....that he doesn't know about

a married man in Ohio (he's married to my best friend, but they are in an open marriage and she is fine with this)

a married man in North Carolina (who's wife wanted a divorce until she found out about me, now she makes my life hell)

a single guy right here in Florida (he's amazing and treats me like a princess even tho we're only just friends...i'm not sure if it's mutual)

i wanna curl up and cry and shred

[minnie]

huge hugs xxxx

[crazykat]

It sounds like you care about him very much and want to marry him to complete this relationship to make it more meaningful. Why do you feel it's so important to marry him? It might help sort out your feelings and also help him understand why marriage is so important to you.

I know it feels like you are not good enough for him to marry you but that's not true. If you weren't good enough he wouldn't still be with you. To me it seems more that he is scared of getting hurt again which is why he is against it.

As for the crushes it's fine if that is all they are but if you seeing these other men in a romantic way then is marriage something you really want. I guess you have to work out who you want to be with as it's not fair to stay in a relationship if you aren't being faithfull, not saying that this is the case just thought I would put it out there. Please don't take this as a harsh criticism I am just trying to help you work out where you stand. Take care
Kat xxx