supporting someone who is mildly depressed when you are severely depressed

[lovetherain]

hey, everyone. i hope it's ok that i'm posting this in vets. i felt that since it involved my marriage and my husband's job, it's more adult-ish.

anyway, i am chronically depressed with a whole lotta crap i've been dealing with for many years. i am currently going through a pretty bad episode and it is definitely causing a lot of pressure on my marriage.

on the other hand, my spouse is also going through a rough patch. his job is stressing him out terribly, we have a bit of debt after the holidays, and he's just generally lacking hope. he believes he is mildly depressed, but i think he's just going through a seasonal thing coupled with stress.

my issue is, how do i muster the energy to support him when he needs me? he has spent the last four years supporting me through dark, dark times, but i'm finding it SO hard to give him hopeful words and hold him up. this is especially so because i am struggling so badly right now.

he doesn't want to see a therapist (thinks he doesn't have time) and he'll only talk to me now and then about this stuff.

any advice? any "been there, done that" type stories?

thanks, loves.

[Pi.R^2]

Sorry to hear you and your husband are going through a rough patch at the moment. My partner has mental health problems too, and it's always the worst when we're both feeling really down at the same time, and it can be so difficult to summon up the enthusiasm to motivate and cheer someone up when you're feeling so down yourself!

Do you have any kind of therapy or support for yourself?

Is there anything that both of you really enjoy doing together that you could organise to give you both an afternoon or day off from 'normal' life to relax and refuel? Even if you're all out of steam for offering hope, maybe you could both enjoy something fun together, as a round-about way of giving both of you a little positivity boost.

Do you think you might be able to convince him to see a therapist? If you let him know how difficult it is to support him whilst you're not doing so great yourself, he might acknowledge the need to seek some of the support he needs from a professional.

Best of luck and I hope you're both feeling a bit better soon!